Thanks ginger, I went to 1 alanon meeting and didn't love it. I know I'm supposed to give them more then 1 chance. But there were some seriously messed up people in this meeting I went to and it kind of turned me off. (One guy left and told everyone to F off because he was talking and his time was up, and many of the people there were former addicts themselves. ) It felt a bit cultish to me. Lots of rules and reading out passages together which I don't seem to have the attention span for.

I think at this point, I need one on one or maybe a small informal group of people that have been through something like this.

No one but me and my family seems to even recognize that there is a problem and that scares me.

I read some of newcomers and many of the walkaways have mixed feelings. They do temperature taking. They come back and sleep together. They come back and leave again. My ex was never ever like that. He just wanted out. It is scary how one could emotionally detach himself so easily from me. He made it out like it was all me. He argued every valid point I brought up and then blamed our failed marriage on those arguments. He was so blatantly wrong about things, yet denied and continues to and it's like I'm arguing with a mad man that comes across as valid and put together. This affects me so much and I know I just have to walk away and say, "hey I'm dealing with someone that's not all there"

But I also doubt myself because he comes across as so cool and in control. And like the perfect divorce buster. "Let's agree to disagree" . No there's no disagreement. He's wrong!!!!! The financials reveal everything. What other proof do I need?

I want to move on. I can't wait to be at the point when I am on these forums discussing my dating life with you guys! It's been 2 years already. I should be past this.

Vanilla wrote something about this not being depression but trauma from an abusive situation. The covertness of it all is a huge mind f. But he does not want anything from me. He is uninvolved. He just wants the divorce over and done with and wants to give as little as the law allows. He is not trying to control how I raise son. Or anything for that matter. He just wants to be left alone. So is it really abuse ? Is it me?


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer