Hello...can you hear me?

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks for stopping by 25, Don and kml. Yes, the grapppling with my sexuality is something that I have always done. I have a desire to be wanted (which I recognize is extremely common) but generally I feel nothing in return except for "oh I like this person." However, it is generally not in a sexual way. It is also part of why I have so many male friendships. I never ever have wondered what they thought which is probably odd. And compounded by the fact that I am rather outgoing and flirtatious, I'm sure people "see" one thing and in reality it's nothing.

Don, it probably is confusing. When I say I loved being married, I loved that my life was a certain way. Even though it has been 3 years, I still struggle to navigate some of the things I feel. Oh and I love my kids more than anything but I did not consider raising them alone. I realize this sounds whiny, but I never considered blending families, single parenting or anything that comes along with that. Yes, we adjust. I get it. However, for me none of that has felt natural. And maybe I'm using an incorrect word. It feels super weird to me. As in I will have moments where I say "how the heck did I get here?" And gosh no, the hook up was from over a year ago. It is always kind of awkward when I see him so I thought I would just say "hi." Eh. That was a fail and that's okay. He works for a friend of mine. I am actually weirdly relieved he did. Why? Sounds crazy but I had this attraction to him that was never going to be. Nothing was ever going to happen with him. However, when you feel sexual attraction to someone infrequently, it makes one curious when you do. I can't explain. It's not reciprocated so I just file it away.

Yes, 25 I have never been as relaxed as I am with NG. I think some of that is me and some is him. I do think I realized so much about my R challenges and the role I play during my divorce. I never feel much sexual attraction period so I guess my attraction to the people is more mental. Whenever, I hear about people saying they have "passionate" relationships, I feel like I'm reading a sentence in Farsi. :-). I've never felt that. Which is why on the rare occasion, that I feel sexual attraction to someone it is both a curious and complicated feeling. And I think, "hmmmm. What do I do with this?" And about 99.9% of the time it's nothing.

Thanks kml! You are always so wise and helpful.

Weird having all of this brought to the surface again. Guess it comes in waves.