So here's the thing....

[25yearsmlc]

Hi NDY

you're doing well and I get the NC approach totally.

While Divorces are "supposed" to unravel decades of a marriage and the creation of a family frankly, it does not. More like a furniture piece torn apart. There are wooden splinters and laminate still on some parts, and missing on others and the pieces never quite work the same...sigh...

Like you, I would not read anything into it other than a desire to have warmer relations with you and that's not necessarily about wanting more or a recon...

OR believing she can have more. Think out what that would take.

First, it would take a seismic change in her to realize she really truly screwed up,

AND it would mean she believed she could try to make amends AND to reconcile- which are 2 very different things but one might lead to the other -

(but also means she gets past her fear that you'll throw a rock at her when she probes for more...)

AND that she was willing AND able to do the work she would need to do, to start anew.

Oh, & all this^^ leaves out the factor called NDY. MOST LBSers focus on recon and do not look past it, to see how very difficult piecing is.

I wish I had done that differently but I'm trying to

remind myself to "Stop looking back, it's not where you're going."

It's true that once divorces go thru the legal process there is less pressure. Sometimes that leads to a "safe space" to reflect more.

But she is in a very new life now. There is a child whom I assume she loves dearly...it's a hard thing to come back from, let alone so soon. (Did she ever process her father's suicide? That stinks).

Oh i read an article with some actual data about couples reuniting after a divorce, & it's usually years after.

I would not snub her gestures re your brother or even sitting near each other at games if there's no OM there. Like it or not, she was a part of your family for decades, and is still your son's mother, and it sounds as if she genuinely cares about your brother and SIL. Those are good things in most people's books.

(Why shut out added support sent your brother's way?)

Besides, it's a good example for your son.

I'd say to Keep your guard up, and your GAL going.


Btw, how's your love life?