Popping by to check in on you. Sounds like you continue to be the balance and rock your boys need. As far as knowing what to do, all I can say is it slowly seems to become clearer. When something doesn't feel right one day, it possibly will the next. Just keep following your gut. As far as the effect on your boys, I see it as a double ended sword as long as your H remains in his fog.
In my case, I am glad we live apart. S is able to spend time with each of us in a tension, anger and drama free home. S sees me relaxed, content and happy. When we have done our family time, there is a definite change of energy in the room, and I find myself relieved when we go our separate ways.
I also think he sees H in a better place. With him having his own space and freedom to do as he wants, I am sure H is happier for it. In his case, it's best he is free to be crazy and not feeling like he is always under my watchful eye or being judged by me. I think this played a huge part in his moving out.
When this first happened, S cried and had chronic stomach aches. It wasn't easy and I hated H for it, but once things calmed down, I regrouped and focused on making home a safe place again, S adapted quickly. He now moans if he knows his dad is coming by. Home is our safe calm place, a place we both love. We made it this way together, we weathered the storm together and are closer than ever.
I am sharing all this not to sway you, but just to give a different perspective. As you know, I didn't want any of this, but I have grown to believe H did us a huge favor by taking his crazy out of our home!
You continue to inspire me HW, trust your gut and you will do the right thing.
Xxoo M
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
