I am sorry, G. I misread the post. I thought you had a phone conversation. I wish you had, to be honest.
I still cannot, after all this time, understand people. I just cant. Maybe it is because of how I live my life. I try to do it with honesty and integrity.
I am sorry but he should not have started anything with you. He was in a relationship like this before and so he knew, on some level, that he wanted someone who he can start a family with. The thing of it is, because of his immaturity, is that he didnt realize a family is born of the heart and he could have had an amazing one with you.
You know, G, I often wonder why those of us who love as we do and who have endured what we have, hurt the deepest. THe truth is, I know why...it is exactly because of all of that.
YOu let him in, I know what that means. It was a giant leap of faith with the cliff on the horizon, yet you took it.
I know you allowed yourself to imagine the possibilities. Something you have learned not to do. I am not going to tell you that you shouldnt have, because that isnt true. The possibilities are what make a life.
So, honor the memories and keep them safe. THere is something amazing to be said about loving the way you do. The proof of that is in your daughter and the people who love you back.
He lost out big time. He doesnt really know it yet, but, he will. That isnt your problem now. It is his.
He was a coward, G. In a lot of ways. He didnt do the right thing from the beginning. I suppose we could say that he led with his heart, too, but, I am not giving him a pass. He doesnt deserve it.
As always, there are two ways that I feel. My love for you feels anger at him and sadness for you. But I also feel, really strongly, that things are supposed to happen as they do. I know people feel those are just words, but, I have found it to be true many times.
I always say that I need a brick building to fall on me before I understand something.
I truly believe that you needed to know you could love again, to get you ready for the one you are supposed to be with. Because now you know...you know..... you are capable of letting someone in. You know that you could love deeply. With all we have gone through, we need to know that.
Leave him be to figure out his stuff. And boy, he has some stuff.
Thank you for saying you are always here for me. And I know it, my friend. I dont know why my life has had so much crap. I just know that I am not yet ready to give up, so, I keep going.
