A WW? (8)

[lt0402]

Well, a couple big things have happened since we sold the house. Ws dad passed away this week. She's been traveling back and forth to take care of things and I've been picking up the slack she's left here so she doesn't have to worry about it.

Also, last night we had a conversation around the moving piece of this. W informed me that she will not be moving with me and as of last Tuesday she has found an apartment. I was a bit surprised as we'd discussed previously we'd find a place to rent together. I told her I did not want to S but she was welcome to go if she chose to. She could not, however, take D with her. She said that was threatening and borderline abusive. She offered a custody split closer to 50/50 which is a big reversal from her 95% custody split in the fall. She said she has suffered for too long and reside to suffer anymore. She says that she stayed back in November only bc she didn't want to force D to have a Christmas court date. She also accused me of having a girlfriend, keeping a secret bank account, and finding a new lawyer to come after her. None of which is true. She says she has evidence of all of it. Ok...

She says she would have stayed another 10yrs if I wasn't worse than when this whole thing started. She said that D has come to her twice in the past week and told W she wants us to S. W says D is so miserable bc of me and I just don't see it. This is the same kid that won't leave my side when I get home from work and who FaceTimed me this morning at 5am from her friends sleepover just because.

W had other things to say about how horrible I'd been to her over the years. How she has no life and how she only feels anger towards me. I offered that regardless of what happens she should see an IC for her anger. She told me she is never angry with anyone else, it is solely me. So an IC would do nothing for her. She says she will never let go of the anger she feels towards me. She says that Ds and my R will be so much better once we split. I tell her if D and I have issues I'll discuss them with her directly.

She says I never made an MC appointment. I said I don't think you know how MC works. Both people need to be willing to work on things. She says I never would have worked on it.

She asks why I've been so nice to her over the past few weeks. I tell her it's bc I am choosing to treat her how I'd want to be treated. She says why do you keep doing it when I tell you it upsets me. I tell her that I'm being nice when we communicate bc that's how I choose to and want to treat my W.

She asks why she should believe that I'm not just pretending and that I'm really different. If I have really made these changes, why didn't I make them years ago when she was so miserable. She then says a couple times, that's a fair question. I tell her that it is a fair question. I say that I know I've made mistakes in the past. Back then I didn't understand how to fix them. I didn't understand her needs or how she processed things. I didn't understand my needs, feelings, or how I processed things. I truly am sorry for not being able to fix that back then. It took me coming to the edge of the canyon and falling in to really grasp how to fix things. But the reason I know I'm good is bc I understand all of this now. I'm able to hear her and D now. Even with it looking like this marriage is not salvageable, I know I'm in a much better place to handle my relationships going forward. She sat there quietly at that point.

W then tells me she has only been approved for an apartment not put a down payment on one. She tells me that if I can come up with some other option then we can discuss it and she doesn't have to get the apartment.

We then went in circles on some stuff and started to wind down. At one point after hashing through why I didn't fix this years ago when I have done just that now she stops and thinks and says "well, maybe if we..." and then catches herself and says no, it's too late.

She said I'm a great dad and good person and it [censored] that she cant get over her anger. But she's suffered for 8 years. And she refuses to suffer anymore. And she refuses to let D be miserable. She also “knows” I've been keeping tabs on her. So I should know that she has no life and this is not about her going out to find a life. This is about d. She said she has nothing to hide and she'd give me her phone password to prove it. Not sure why she'd think this.

W says I always turn things around to put blame on her. Says I do it all the time. Says that maybe my parents and friends will believe it but no one else will.
She said she thought I'd drag her into court and still does, during this 6 weeks to moving just to punish her and make her miserable. That she doesn't trust me, will never trust me bc of what I've done to her.

Finally, W tells me she knows more about the shady stuff than I know she knows. She says she knows that I've lied multiple times in the last few minutes about things. She gets agitated and smirks. She gets up, goes to the bathroom, gets more wine and sits down. I tell her “I'm sorry for anything I did in the past that makes you think I'd be capable of these shady things you're mentioning. I need to process all this and then we can talk about it. Let's talk towards the beginning of next week”. She quietly says ok and I get up and go to bed.

So now I guess I have direction. My W inserted some ambivalence, as always, but it's hard to believe anything other than she wants to push down the path to a split.

Just wanted to get an update up here.