HI friend. Thank so much for stopping by. And checking on me via text. It means the world to me.
It's true, I only know how to love with all I have, but I know that means the pain will hurt more when I lose who I love. It was scary for me to tell him I loved him. Especially when I knew he couldn't say it back.
Well, I reached out, but I didn't call. We texted, I basically made a butt of myself and he validated. He validates like a DB'er. Gives nothing away but keeps himself in a "safe" spot where everything comes across so neutral. It actually is really irritating when you know what they are doing. So, we never really got to have a conversation, I still have not heard his voice since he said "bye babe, I might still be in your bed when you get back" the day before he broke up with me. I struggle feeling like our relationship wasn't even worth a face to face break-up. Maybe one day when we are both more detached we can have that meeting.
As for now? No contact since Monday and I plan on initiating nothing. I deleted his texts, his phone number, all his missed phone calls form my contacts that have his number, I unfriended him on FB..... I want zero temptation. I do hope one day perhaps we can meet as friends, but it certainly won't be me initiating it.
Yes thoughts creep in that something was lacking in me. But I keep reminding myself that there is nothing I could be rather than 10 years younger and no kids...... and both are impossible. I wouldn't mind the 10 years younger part, lol. But my daughter is my world. He told me he loved what we had, he loved who I am, and who I was to him.
He has some growing up to do big time. And I do hope he realizes his dream of the wife, house, and minivan full of kids. It hurts that I couldn't do that for him. I wish he would have realized this before he asked me out. He knew my sitch....... but we all try to talk ourselves into certain things for the wrong reasons. I have been guilty of it more than I care to admit.
It will take a very special man to love us both. I hope he is out there and I hope he finds us.
I agree, and my T said the same thing. I needed to know I could open up my heart and love again. He is the one I let the farthest in my life ever. To be a real part of my life. I also I hope I set some standard in his life when looking for his wife and mother to be of his kids. How he should be treated by a woman and how to be loved properly. I hope he doesn't settle for any less.
My pain is great. Much different than with anyone else, even my exH. It's the first time I have ever wanted to put a "Band-Aid" on it in the form of a distraction, if you know what I mean. I have never done it nor have I had the desire. But I used to not understand how someone could break up with someone and be right onto the next in no time. I get it now, you want to take away the pain of the one before you. I won't do it, because I don't think I am capable, but it is tempting.
I love you UR. and I am here for you just as you have been here for me. You know where to find me any time and I will always listen or help in any way I can.
