Hi Everyone, I haven't been around the boards for a few weeks, geez I seem to have missed quite a bit! I will endeavour to catch up.
I have not been around as I have been in a funk, I don't know why, I have not really bounced back from when h left again, I can't even say it comes in waves, its just there as a constant way of feeling, so very tired and emotional.
I try very hard to get out there and GAL, I am social, I am moving forwards at work, even got a pay rise, I am even coming up with future ideas, yet this low mood and emotional turmoil does not want to leave me. I have grown weary of this whole situation.
I continue to hang out with guy friend occasionally; we are firmly in the friend zone and I feel more comfortable in his company now that has been established. We push each other to go places and do things, so for now we are doing each other some good.
Work is going well, a little too well, I have once again shown my abilities and have created a bit of a monster for myself, I still have a lot to learn but I get to be creative and play with the ideas I have to for the most part I am enjoying the job.
I have not heard from h,very quiet on that front, been 3 yrs since BD, 6 months since the second time. I now dread the day I do get something from him as all he has left to throw at me is D, I know its the natural progression, but while I am still struggling it will be another twist of the knife that will cause me more sadness.
Life with s20 is a challenge, his loss of licence means that I have had to step up and do the work runs, unfortunately he does not work the same hours as me so its been a little challenging both for time and my nerves!! I have taken the house back on as s20 and g/friend can no longer afford to pay all the rent and bills, so now we have swapped roles again and I have given him a year to pay me back what he owes me.
S23 is doing really well and is happy which is a blessing. He told me the other day that he is worried about me and wishes would move to where he is,which was really sweet of him. But he knows s20 needs the support right now and is not handling what his dad has done very well. S23 told me his dad life is @#$%ed up and he cant see that ever changing. Both boys have said that dad is their dad and that's it, they have zero respect for him, just use him when they want something - so sad that they treat him that way, but he bought this on himself.
So for now it just one day at a time, keep breathing and being thankful for bedtime.
Well must away, I am going to drive a bit of the Thermal Highway tomorrow, so I have to get up early. I hope everyone is doing ok and I will try to catch up with you all very soon - I dont feel I have much to offer you right now so don't comment much anymore, but please know each and every one of you are in my thoughts.
