One other thing I forgot. I did alot of snopping. Since I'm the one in the house still. One night when her car was parked across the street I went and started snopping to see what I could find. I found some letters she had writen to herself about the both of us. It made me see some things that I had not seen before about myself. After that night I had stopped snopping. I felt myself slipping into a strange place and I didn't want to go there. I felt that if I keep doing this I would never get anywhere and become the person I never wanted to be. But marriages will do that to a person.
Someone once told me that in a marriage you have to remain your own person. You cannot let the marriage consume you and change into something that you are not. I failed, I let the marriage and the world change me. Now I have to change myself back for me. Maybe some day the W will see this and maybe not. Be at least I know I have done anything I know how to, to make myself feel good about who I am as a person.....
