What [censored] more is today is our 5th anniversary. 6 months ago I was planning on surprising her with a trip alone with me this weekend. Now I'm planning our divorce.
So I talked to a lawyer, he told me to close the card that she is making big purchases on to prevent her from accumulating more debt. Since she hasn't file there is no legal implications.
He also told me that I should not push her to take my son, that everytime she leaves him with me it a bonus point for custody if it comes to that.
And than basically just sit and wait and don't do anything stupid until she files.
I also just discovered that when she went to visit her family about 3 months ago she was flirting and all over some random dude one night. This woman is not who she used to be.
No she isn't, so keep that in focus. The lawyer's advice was sound, just document everything. Seeing lawyers does not mean seeking divorce, I've seen three and now my WH is starting to pursue me. But you can't work on your M or R while she is in an affair, and trust me, this woman is wayward right now. The fact that she is being so secretive shows she knows on some level that this illicit relationship is WRONG.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
I'm working on just letting go. It's hard though, wondering what she's doing, where she's at, knowing she wants to be out dating and just wishing she would come back and we could watch our shows and fall asleep in bed together again.
Yeah, she's secretive, she says it is only because she knows I would be upset if she told me how much she was talking to her uncle that much. The fact is I told her when she was first reconnecting with him (when they had a normal level of communication, text every few days, occasional skype call, non of it hidden) that I was glad. It was when it started to get insane that she started to hide it. She knows it is wrong.
He also told me that I should not push her to take my son, that everytime she leaves him with me it a bonus point for custody if it comes to that.
Since things have taken a turn, I agree with your lawyers advice about not trying to force responsibility on her. Your best move is to let her go, and focus on you and your child. It doesn't end the hurt right away, but it gives you direction instead of sitting back and wondering if she'll come back. When you really let go emotionally, you will be able to move forward and make new friends and get involved in new activities........and you don't have to check with someone else to see if it's alright. Know what I mean? There is a freedom that you can enjoy, if you keep your eyesight straight ahead.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm working on just letting go. It's hard though, wondering what she's doing, where she's at, knowing she wants to be out dating and just wishing she would come back and we could watch our shows and fall asleep in bed together again.
we understand. You are reeling and you are playing that internal "movie" in your head but you can yell "CUT!" and stop those movies. It'll eat you alive and you won't be as present for your son OR yourself as you need to be. Don't let that consume you.
Yeah, she's secretive, she says it is only because she knows I would be upset if she told me how much she was talking to her uncle that much.
Ohhh, so in "reality" - keeping secrets and lying is NOBLE of her! (Clap clap clap...applause)
The fact is I told her when she was first reconnecting with him (when they had a normal level of communication, text every few days, occasional skype call, non of it hidden) that I was glad. It was when it started to get insane that she started to hide it. She knows it is wrong.
Maybe, maybe not. She may not care about what others think or she may have totally justified this b/c she's unhappy with herself AND OR the marriage AND OR you.
I'm betting She's not thrilled everyone else in the family knows (and this is the type of gossip that WILL spread..) but if your goal is ultimately a reconciliation - just know that the more people who know, the harder it will be for you to get and stay together.
Just fyi
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
No you're right, she isn't happy other people know. She didn't even want people to know she had moved out. To be fair to me I have not talked about my concerns with the uncle to her family, they approached me (after they had already talked to her).
She stopped by today to pick up some things and see our son. It was pleasant. She apologized for buying the boat without talking to me first. I complimented her on how she looked. We talked about the crazy rain we had that day. She gave me a long side hug that turned into a frontal hug. I helped her carry the things she needed out.
She left. I cried.
I'm dropping our son off tomorrow for the day/night and have a very full day planned, so I won't be talking to her at all tomorrow after I drop him off at 9.
What are your plans tomorrow? You are forbidden from sulking around the house. Go out with friends, go to the gym, get in the sun and soak up some rays. GAL like it's a full time job.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
