had the initial status conference today, w had an attitude, and looked the exact same. same pants, shirts, over coat, same flats, her hair combed the same, just longer. She carried herself sluggishly – according to me. Wouldn’t even look at me, I made a point to stand up straight, smile toward my Lawyer, I dressed well in a reddish shirt, I stood in front of her talking-to my lawyer (about 10 ft away) through a glass door, made sure she could see me. Judge asked her a few questions, she responded, showed no respect for the judge (like getting up when he asked her to introduce herself) I am glad she carried herself in the way she did, helped me not be attached, I feel detached. The judge ordered us to have the house appraised by may 31. Hopefully it’s appraised VERY VERY high, and I get my share. Who knows.
Back to the W looking the same, I guess I expected her to be different? I don’t know. I know I am different, I wear different shoes now, different shirts, my hair is different, I’d like to believe I’m more confident. I just feel way different -I expected her to be different, she’s the exact same. My whole life changed, her’s….not so much. Also, got her financials, which are bull sh!t. she’s making about 8 dollars more an hour than me, yet claiming to not be able to pay her bills. Um…what about when we only had MY income? We sure did fine. W also racked up about 20K in credit card debt since we split. That was a nice surprise. It’s crazy, like WTH did you buy? Also saw how much she owes in student loans, about 50k, at least for that she’s got her RN license to show for that. In a way, it makes me feel a lot better about the debt I’m walking away with. Saw her credit card and debit card statements, eats fast food a lot, spends a ton of money on food, and continues to frequent the breakfast place by our home – I’m assuming with SOW. Her life seems the same without me at a glance. I wonder how long, if ever, will she realize that’s just her life. Also got her pay stubs, found out where she’s working, about 2hrs away from the house in some little hospital. With that comes thoughts of, who watches D? SOW or sow’s son. (assuming sow is working, which by the money transfers from sow to W she has to be) I’m guessing sow’s son and D stay home alone, D is 11 he’s about 13/14. However, I always took care of D, W was rarely responsible and the cycle is the same, always up to someone else to care for D. working two hours away means W is most likely gone for her 3-4 days she’s got work. Makes me somewhat sad that I could’ve had D for that time but at the same time I’m not here to help W or make HER life easier. I know it’s not about W its about D but still, for my own sake I need to let go of D (which I feel as though I have come to terms with that) and move on from both of them.
Anyway, next step is get the house appraised. I am so glad seeing her did not send me off a cliff. Haha
I just feel good!
On Gal - I have a second / weekend job where i'm meeting lots of new people. I love it. Also finished my spring school semester with good grades. And, i joined two softball leagues one on Tuesday one on weds, both co ed. oh and my month and change of vacation from running came to an end this week, started running again. Feel's great to get my shoes back on and hit the open road.
