Leah, what a sweet story :-) I definitely think volunteering and acts of civility can soften our hearts. It may not do that every time, but over time, it can certainly keep us more open minded to people we may not normally interact with. In my ideal utopian society, everyone would volunteer a few hours of their week to others. It doesn't even have to be with underprivileged, but just something that we give to others out of our own free will. That kind of kindness is contagious and spreads all over. I am sort of a hippie at heart :-)
I think you hit the nail on the head with your fear of expectations! Sometimes we make these blanket statements and then when we dissect their meaning, we realize it's impossible. For example "don't judge other people," and "have no expectations of other people." Both of those are essentially impossible, right? If we never make judgments, then we walk through the world in this naďve and infantile state, and we will constantly set ourselves up for harm. If we have no expectations, then we never have vulnerability, and thus we lose our ability to have attachments and deeper connections.
So my take on lowering expectations is that we need everything in moderation, and just that--lower them, don't erase them. It is not black and white. So instead of allowing your thoughts to hang on every word and action of his that he is giving you, have a plan. Plan what the time will be like and include plans that you would make even if he were not visiting. Make a to-do list for you alone, and do one thing on this list each day. An hour walk? A coffee date? etc. It helps you protect your heart and it also shows him that you are living your life.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
