Wow, did you notice how good it feels when you realize that you are Ok and somehow in peace if he wants to leave... and how his attitude switched somehow, why? because he realized that his power and his manipulations on you are over, you are now waterproof, he became somehow conscious (a tiny bit) that whatever the decision/action he will have to take will be based on what he really wants and not on what "he did because he was pushed to do" (wake up call to reality). You removed yourself as an excuse to his future actions. That's something scary for them, you "shook" his way of thinking. The more detached I became, the more "clingy" my H became and lately he has been saying how "a great wife I am, how lucky he is" (his cheaters/divorced friends are not really happy with their lives, they were at the beginning but now it seems that they realized that the grass was not that green on the other side of the fence), somedays I think he is scared I might do the same of what he did (he is always finding an excuse to call me to figure out where I am... and I am not answering my phone all the time...), that the last thing on my mind, I am just happy to have regained confidence in myself, my boss gave me a big raise and more days off when I went to tell him I wanted a sabbatical year.
"I am worth it" is my new motto, my kids love it.
Now don't expect him to have a big epiphany anytime soon, it's more a very slow awakening with a few step back from time to time, it seems they want/try to test us to evaluate their power, somehow they hate to have to comply to rules to stay in the family home after experienced that exhilarating freedom and all those "good feelings", it takes time for them to become conscious it was lust not love, it was fantasy not reality.
Stay firm on your position and boundaries and DO NOT hesitate to state them from time to time and reinforce them. You will be tested on them, when I don't know but you will.
Please don't have any R soon, he needs to understand that you are DONE and you need more than a few words to reconsider/give a thought about your situation if that what you might want.
Become mysterious for your own good, the less he will be aware of your life outside him (keep details to the minimum) the better it will be for you, you need your own privacy , build your own "happy place" with your kids and friends. Find happiness again and thrive. Live your life, stop letting what he did to you entrave your life in the "now", and rebuild your self esteem. Your worth is not related to him, your worth is what you will make of your life. Think of him as an accessory, nice to have but not necessary. You need that to protect your own heart and mind in case he decides to file for divorce or if you have to ask him to leave. Piecing is a marathon, a very long one and the success is not guarantee, so don't waste your heart and mind, keep them protected. It doesn't mean you stop loving/caring for him, but you refuse to have that feeling determine your own level of happiness.
I am so happy that you are finally finding happiness in your daily life, it means that your mind is not focused only on him and your relationship anymore, it's a sign of real detachment.
Sorry for being so late to post but graduation is around the corner, so many things to take care, also one of my kids is going to States, and I had a recurrent health issue to take care of ...
Big Hugs
Me 52+ WH 57+ Married 20 + Piecing since 2016 (ready to give up...)
