Struggling with multiple challenges - Part 2

[coffee_]

Oops, sorry for the multiple post. This is a duplicate from my 1st thread but where things stand right now....

Well SHE says she texted the OM and broke off all ties but when I asked to see the text she (conveniently) deleted it. So, I have requested that she send a NC letter to him and make sure she CC's me on it as well. I said this yesterday. She pushed back a bit saying that it was redundant. I reminded her that I wasn't included on that and if she wanted to be transparent like she has said, then she would make sure that I was on the email to him. I provided some samples but of course told her to put it in her own words.

Last night of course she spent a couple of hours talking to a relative, texting, surfing, etc. but never sent the letter. I mentioned it again and she said she would send it soon.

As of right now, 20 hours later, still no letter. I texted her the following:

"If you do not wish to formally and openly cut ties with OM and/or anyone else you may be having an affair with then let me know so I know where i stand. I will not personally follow up with him or anything but I do need to be copied to show transparency. Again not to be controlling but this is something I need for me to better have trust in your words and actions. Ball in your court.
If you want to proceed with your affair, that's your perogative and I can't stop you from doing so, I just need to know one way or the other your intentions."

Yes that is a bit weak, but giving her the option. She of course has yet to respond but had time to call me about something random and also send me a couple of pictures my youngest drew. Doesn't look like she has any intentions of cutting ties at this point.

I'm going silent...she no longer deserves any of my attention and definitely non of my trust or respect. I only wish I could get her out of our home. Darn laws always getting in the way.

Oh boy...this looks all too familiar. I am sorry for what you are going through. It hurts to watch things spiral out of control and not be able to do anything about it. You have to remember, you cant change a persons mind. Look at it this way...did you make her marry you? Just as you didn't do that you can't make her come back to you. This is why GAL is so important, its time to stop with the ultimatums, GAL and start living. She will either come around or she won't. But doing work on yourself right now is so important because whatever the outcome, you will be a better you. It is so hard...I get it you want this to turn out okay, but you have to remember that her head is in the weeds right now and nothing you can do will get her out of them. Stay strong, I am so sorry your going through this. I am about a year from where you are now and I am so much better mentally now, just remember that it does get better and easier.