Your W's PA behavior also got a chuckle out of me. If you don't laugh at it all, what's left to do? Cry? Beat the wall?
S had picture day today at daycare. The flyers were posted all around the facility for about three weeks. While H hasn't been there at the drop off for the past week, he has been there for the drop offs while the flyers were up.
This morning as I was getting S dressed, I mentioned it. H looked astonished. "I didn't know. I haven't been going to drop off for a week because you aren't ready by 7:15. I've been meaning to ask you what I can to do help." I politely responded that the flyers have been up for weeks.
Part of me does want to give him a list of things he can to help in the morning, but another part of me thinks, no, you need to figure that out. You don't want to be married anymore, so why should I behave like a wife. He needs to wake up and pay attention to the things that need to get done in the morning and just do them. Maybe I am being too harsh and I should hold his hand a little. I dunno.
Part of me thinks I should have reminded him about the photos this morning. But another part of me thinks, he needs to wake up and pay attention. It's no longer my job to remind him of these things.
I have suspected all along he did not pay attention to the flyers and did not realize this morning was picture day. I could have brought it up earlier in the week.
I still carry resentment for the lack of attention he paid to these types of things before BD and my having to constantly remind him. So I do wrangle with the notion that I didn't bring it up both out of resentment, but also because I don't feel it's my responsibility to be his secretary anymore. Perhaps it is one of those instances where it is a little bit of both?
Some of this is not knowing my boundaries. For instance, there are some "wifely" things I continue to do, like cook dinner most nights and plan everything for S. But there are other things I no longer do, like his laundry, remind him of upcoming events or bills. So I imagine, from his perspective, things are a bit confusing. I don't know how to lay down the law in a way that he will understand and not push him away even more. And I am not sure that is even possible.
This distress comes from guilt at not reminding him this morning because that is what I have always done coupled with a desire do something different, because I feel like things are stagnate. Maybe things need to be stagnate for a little while longer while he sorts himself out? Maybe this is what happens in MLC land? Sometimes I wonder if I am being impatient and think that I can actually do something to shake things up because I know I can't.
I do think I need to fade into the background so he can take his focus off of me and focus on himself. But things like this morning don't do that. If I would have reminded him, then it would be status quo, but I think I would have just been more resentful for taking on a wifely responsibility. Maybe status quo for now really is the best and I should just suck it up a little more.
