25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3

[Accuray]

Some men asked me out right when I got here, which was maybe 2 months after separation and a horrific hospital stay.

I was actually offended by this. I found it insulting to my m that someone would assume I could be ready to actually date.

They were men who divorced long ago, and or from short m's, who would assume I'd be ready to date them, then. It kind of made me believe their own m's must have meant very little to them.

I was interested that you felt this way. Why would you assume their m's must have meant very little to them?

nd FYI, "S" is a kind, smart attractive guy. And he's really into being a good dad. So he's not some "jerk".

Anyhow, I asked S how long it took him to date after he and his w "split," 10 years ago (i didn't define sep or Div in the question).

He said "3-4 days"...

Okay. I literally laughed b/c I assumed he was joking.
( I mean, "good one!", right? cool)

Then he blurted out "I was so lost and hurt...just seeking solace. They didn't mean anything."

Later he and his w recon for a year, before finally divorcing.

What I took from this^^ disclosure is that "S" is very needy, terrified of being alone, AND that he is presumably very high maintenance, emotionally. Huge turn off for me.

Hmmm, you were judging "S" pretty harshly there weren't you?

At the point that exW and I finally separated I'd been DB'ing for three years, not having my needs met, etc. At the point I decided I was "done" it was after a very long wind-down. It wasn't like everything was great and the next day I decided to leave and date someone else right?

So in the context that a marriage was bad for a long time, dating "3-4 days" after separating might not be unreasonable -- it's much better than dating *before* separating which so many people seem to do right?

Then, as he described his actions as being due to feeling lost and hurt, I'm not sure why you would conclude that he was needy, terrified of being alone, and high maintenance emotionally?

We all know that divorce is hugely traumatic, the way people act when they're recovering (sad, remorseful, angry, potentially depressed) doesn't define "who they are" right?

It would be like concluding that someone who was in the hospital was "sickly and likely an invalid" based on an episode at a point in time.

I guess I saw "S"'s disclosure to you as a person who was being vulnerable, which requires self confidence.

I'm confident you'll find your path!