25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3

[180Man]

25,

I am slightly more sober now, I apologize for being so brazen. Very much understand what you're saying and I believe the words "head first" were a bit much on my part. I am not ready for any of these things, either, I know this -- so I completely understand what you're saying. I, too, must learn how to live alone because I have not done so in a long time. Not to be unfair to our dogs, but I don't think they count when it comes to this.

I was in no way trying to push you to start a long term R, but I can see that I wrote it poorly. I do think you should go on a date or two purely for the distraction of it. I say this simply because my distraction yesterday at work with the JAG was a nice surprise. I found myself not thinking about my W and our problems for once. One of the constant things I've battled is, despite significant efforts to get involved with something that would distract me from my M problems, I would routinely start thinking about it in the middle of whatever I was doing.

Go kart racing? Fun! Requires some level of focus. Did great for several laps and then I come around a corner and start thinking about my W. Uggghh. For this exact reason I have not resumed flying yet because I feared it would consume my thoughts at dangerous times -- I think I am ready to get back in the cockpit soon, I think yesterday showed me there is a light at the end of the tunnel and my mental canvas will not always be such a hindrance.

Go karts are just an example, I have tons from the last six months. It was just such a mental relief yesterday to finally not have that happen in my head and I want the same for you at some point.

So, in closing, I think you should invite the occasional distraction when you are ready (but I still suspect that we will not necessarily ever feel ready, sometimes Nike is right). Nothing long-term, of course, but having lunch or dinner with somebody whose mere presence will prevent you from bringing up the D topic (mentally or verbally) if only for an hour or two, may provide you with a nice mental break. Or, who knows, maybe go karts alone will do it for you!

Take care ((((25))))!