sandi, I'd actually really appreciate your advice and take on the situation. Does me kind of forcing my wife to share responsibility of our son (rather than her leaving him at me 100% of the time) combined with getting my own life and working on bettering myself make sense? and if her uncle is not complicit in this, realizes what is happening and backs off a bit, do you think it's possible she will come around (of course, if he is complicit than that won't matter, but I get the feeling this is a one-sided attraction that he is unaware of).
Absolutely! She doesn't get to stop having responsibilities of being a mother, just b/c she wants to act like a teenager in love. IMHO, she needs the taste of reality to crumble her fantasy world she has in her head. It makes no difference who the OM is.........except for added complications, maybe.........but she can't just hand over her baby, and go live with the OM with his W right there in the house and think everything will be rosey.
And I am relieved to hear his wife is finally saying something about it. I knew she had to pick up on the undercurrent between them, and now you know it's obvious to her as well. I think the OM can tell your W is infatuated with him......and whether he feels the same or not, he is allowing her to live with him........and that encourages her.
It won't last long if OM's W stays with him, b/c she's not going to stand for it. Hopefully, he will be smart enough not to lose his family over some fling.
You might want to document these times she tries to run out on her child so you are forced to keep him, when you've told her you have plans. Just in case it comes down to child custody.
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I spent our whole marriage spoiling her and I honestly feel like she thinks that will continue at the same time she says she hates me, never loved me and wants to leave.
Some young women do not handle spoiling graciously. They get use to it, then expect it, and take advantage of the H. They develop a sense of entitlement and can act very much like a spoiled brat. Have you ever observed a kid whose parents never told him "no"? In a very short span of time, the kid is actually ruling the parents.......b/c he is demanding & selfish, and will throw tantrums until the tired parents give in again. They failed to teach him he can't do everything or get everything just b/c he wants it right then. He doesn't share his toys and play nice with other kids, and a ton of other issues. I love children, but I have seen a lot of young parents I wanted to spank b/c they were raising a little monster. The key to spoiling children, is to not confuse for love. Remember who is in charge. Parental love includes showing a balance of love and discipline, so the child will grow up to be a good person (very short version) and appreciate others.
I think young H's want to spoil the W, b/c it shows his love and he enjoys it. As long as she shows her own brand of spoiling him, in return.....that's fine. But if she doesn't and starts expecting what he does and doesn't appreciate him.....then there's a problem, and it's called disrespect. When he starts stepping back from what he knows isn't right,.....just to get along with her and keep the peace...... and apologizing for whatever set her off (although he has no clue what it was), and lets her basically boss him around (and eventually bully him) and yell at him or throw tantrums b/c he didn't pick up the right thing from the store, or whatever..........he has helped create a monster (i.e. The beginnings of a wayward wife)The key to spoiling the W is to know when enough is enough. Keep things balanced. To remember you are in charge, and to say no, and stand up like an adult and tell her she isn't going to treat me this way. The W needs to appreciate her H (and visa versa) but if he is treated badly b/c he spoiled her, he needs to show her he is capable of withdrawing the spoiling method.
Wish I had more time. I've got to stop here, b/c I've got to run. Hope this post is not nit-picked b/c I wrote it hurriedly.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
