Fight, yes I think the case will ultimately be dropped but as you say, it'll be several steps down the process b/c that's how it is. The court was packed for other cases and we had no opportunity to present any of our evidence to just get it dropped before arraignment. Ugh..
The name of the guy was in the paper and he was arrested, but did not show up for court. So there's a warrant for his arrest (and 2 other warrants out of state for the same type of charge. This is what this moron does). Oh, and yes d19 was on the front page with her name and our old address (thank God it's the old address).
My d19 still has to deal with this system and make sure her record ends up clean. Hey, maybe she'll decide to be a lawyer... (um, now that I write that^^ out, I am feeling WORSE!)
Accuracy--
RE dating and my comment about "a 10 year 'waste of time'" was meant sarcastically b/c
if I were to have a R with someone of more than a few months, it would have to be meeting some of my needs or it would end. So a r of 10 years would be, by definition a good thing. IF it were to end badly, that would stink...but I will absolutely be more sensitive to issues and there will be NO rug sweeping again.
I agree that it doesn't take those of us over 30, all that long to get past the attraction factor to see what's a really authentic difference, versus minor issues (and I agree that we ALL have our issues, but we had them when we were 20, too. Maybe we were more flexible or still forming then).
But if there's a deal breaker anywhere in the r, then the deal is broken. I am at peace with knowing I'll never have invested the creation of a family and all the education we attained and the decades we spent together,
and thus, will not accept so much I don't want or need to, again.
Any lies, even small ones about being late "too much traffic, or the boss/friend delayed me", would end the r.
My h always took good care of his physique, (which I appreciated & said). I did too but a hurt knee did hinder my jogging, so I put on 10-15 lbs over the last decade. I'm not fat. As Objectively as I can say, I'm considered attractive. (The self esteem and ego have taken hits there, I admit. H was not subtle when he gave me a fitbit for my birthday and it's not something I asked for. Nice...)
But you'd think I was fat by hearing h. Anyhow, his latest diet regimen of the past 2-4 years, became another one of his eccentric obsessions. Without belaboring the point, he was simply a fanatic, giving out Paleo books to every family member and literally hiding disapproved foods, scowling at the "wrong" ones and asking for HIS dinner not to include key ingredients b/c his way was better and there was no real alternative. Like there was no room to agree to disagree, he'd act as if he was tolerating our wrongness.
It was hard for him not to comment on other people's weight - privately- but even people on TV, he could not help himself.. His OW is quite thin, btw.
He did some pretty weird things like putting all the grains up in a box I could not see or reach and when I discovered that I pointed out how weird and over the line that was but I didn't "reach him". And I didn't make a big deal out of that, which I NOW see as sooooo crazy.
I introduced him to 2 Ayn Rand books 8 years ago and instead of just reading them and appreciating them, he went hog wild and read ALL her books and then all the related books and accepted every single thing she wrote was gospel,
And Ayn Rand was an atheist and so, then h was an atheist.
Now, I'm pretty open minded about religion but I DO Have beliefs. If I were dating, I would not date an adamant atheist.
But I was married to a man who became one...yikes.
anyhow,
KML said something about not dating until I'm 100% sure I don't want a recon.
Is anyone ever truly sure they don't want their former spouse (the one they loved) back? I detest the vision of seeing my first grandchild and not being able to share it with the other grandparent.
Or their graduations and weddings...with OW?? Gross. And even when I'm with some OM, it'll be weird.
Knowing that h could have been honest with me a decade ago, and really work on himself and that WE COULD HAVE MADE IT WORK
but h did not do any work on himself. As far as I know, none...and I let that happen too.
2/3 of my life was as h's wife. H HAS CHANGED for sure, and our 3 kids saw this before I did.
I know, I know, "never say never."
But when i look realistically at who h has become, as far as I can tell he's got such a weird BS narrative that I didn't even know what his legal pleading was referring to in maybe 1/3 of it, and another 1/3 was just so weird and distorted, and the last 1/3 was whining...
So I don't really know when it happened b/c it's more insidious than you might think, like a liquid that seeps in around the door frame. And it is NOT all a linear thing (sometimes h was his old self and I'd feel a lot safer, then another change or rigid position would reveal itself)
but yeah, when I SEE HIM as he is now, and for the past X number of years, (B/c I don't know the exact year or number)
and the wreckage he has created and the pain he's inflicted on our family -
I just want to run from him. And protect my kids. So that's a pretty low chance of recon...
D28 told me today that she's dating someone AND that our divorce is affecting her more than she expected...so she's seeing a T now.
It's never painless for the kids, is it? They wanted me to file for D, and yet here they are, all 3 in pain.
S30 is taking on the father role with his sisters, and I don't know how I feel about that.
Proud, concerned, sorry, sad and relieved, angry...
how's that^^ for confused?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
