Some observations from my years of post-divorce dating:
- the right time to date is when YOU are ready. If you're still pining for h ex or susceptible to reconciliation, you're not ready - it would be unfair to a new person. But if you're sure you're done - and have, like you and I, done everything already to save your marriage and are truly ready to let go - there's no magic time or number.
- After the breakup of my long marriage, none of the things that have happened in my dating life have been too distressing. Also the strength and resilience I learned through DBing put me in good stead.
- Although some would say I wasted four valuable dating years on Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome who turned into Mr. Sociopath Ex-Boyfriend, I don't see it as wasted. I had a lot of good times during those years before I found out the truth about him. And I realize I'm NOT actually that focused on finding a forever mate - it may happen, but even if it did, he could die of a heart attack. Therefore my goal is to be happy and fulfilled in my own life and friendships and family - as I am - and a guy is just the cherry on top. Nice, but not essential to my happiness.
- the thing that has brought me the most fulfillment after my divorce was not my dating life - although I had many great moments - but learning to play the drums and developing a great musical hobby. If I was forced to choose between the two, I'd take music and performing over another man any day!
- dating after divorce was an incredibly affirming thing for me. Even though none of the men turned out to be right for a variety of reasons, one thing was constant - not ONE of them could figure out how my ex could have been so stupid as to let go of me. Even the guys who were LOve Avoidant themselves and not available for a long term relationship thought I was GREAT and that my ex must have a screw loose. And not one of them thought I walked heavy either!
