I think Don explained that very well. It is a big PTSD thing for me. Repeated exposure to rejection brings back the feelings I had from my rejection and cheating in the failed M. It gets harder, not easier. My R before this one I realized only hit me really hard when I found out he was dating another woman like a day later. I mostly ended that one, said what I needed, he couldn't give it to me and it was a dealbreaker. I spun out due to PTSD.
Another element for me is spending majority of my adult life alone. Spending so many years without a partner, doing it myself while working full time, raising a baby, dealing with remarriage to OW .... the list goes on. I got a healthy place, tired of going at it alone and had some real needs that needed to be filled.
I am not going to lie. A part of this one is like taking heroin away from addict. The feeling of having a partner, someone coming "home" for dinner, having conversations all night, cuddling, affection, companionship, fun, time spent with D.... was a feeling most take for granted. To me, it was like the greatest drug in the world. Now that drug is gone. It causes physical pain to go back to where I was. I miss what we had so much. Something I haven't had most of my adult life. And our time spent together was great.
So yes, it is multi-dimensional. I sure thought I was hurt the worst I would ever be and now I am like stone and nothing could possibly hurt as much...... not true. The PTSD portion is very very much there.
