25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3

[25yearsmlc]

d19 seems upset but calmer, and we are regrouping to figure out an effective way to handle any legal issues/ramifications and costs...(No money from h at all this month and only half from last month. He's waiting me out I guess. Says HE has retired, and also, wants me to work.

I wonder if he'll want me to pay HIM spousal support. Is OW advising this or his dad or who, b/c h is very bitter and very into seeing himself as the victim of a "toxic" m.
This is what he told our d19.

WTF?? News to me. We were on national tv about how "Solid m's survive political differences"....that's the m i was in.

I know I should not be baffled. I KNOW THIS! Yet I shake my head at HIS utter lack of remorse or shame at how badly he treated me the last year.

The lies...OMG....

ANYHOW back to d19, I THINK this will turn out fine in the long run but it's such a lousy unfair thing and truly, she's the most angry of the kids, the one with the worst r with h, and I have to wonder how this will eventually play out in her heart.

All I can do is affirm her. And let her r with her dad, be their problem. She claims she hates him but they engage, and I don't know for sure that it's solely b/c he's supposed to pay her tuition. I mean, down deep she must want to believe he loves her, no matter what she says...right?

While I can marry someone else (in theory, I mean) and "replace" my h, d19 will always only have one father. I know, I know, not my problem.

back to me and my life...

as I said, last weekend would have been really nice to have had a supportive partner with me. Not just for Mother's Day, but for the whole d19 arrest and ordeal...but I didn't and in reality I probably have not had a supportive partner for a lot of the last few years. My mom died suddenly and for a week or two, h was supportive and quite sad on his own.
---

Every time I think I'd like to casually date it's

1) for fun in the present and b/c I often like male company and I'd casually date because

2) in order to someday, down the road, to be for a real relationship....

then I read posts of post divorce break ups & the pain involved to DBers and I wonder.


Look, I know there are triggers that would end things for me in a minute, and without much or any regret on my end. Not sure of all of them obviously

but if the "new guy" were to be controlling about food issues, I'd just uber home.

I'd probably say "Hey, my exh was rigid about his diet and what others, including me, ate. I can see it's important to you, but it's a deal breaker for me, so we should end this now. Nice to meet you, bye".

I hope and believe that if I can end a 35 year marriage that was once a beautiful thing, that created 3 important young people, surviving the end of a lovely family

and still be alright, and lose my mom and see my last child off to college the same month and have a life changing medical ;problem the following month and move cross country...

then only the death of a close loved one would hurt me more.


My "fear" would be that I could spend 10 years or whatever the dating years I have left are,

and then lose the relationship. What then? Being alone for the "rest of my life"??

I don't hate being alone, and I have a lot of family and long time friends in this area.

So I'd have had another relationship that would have provided SOME or a lot of good things, (or it would not have lasted long.)

I'm sure I'd hold back on fully trusting my life/heart with someone, for some time.

But that feels more healthy to me.

feedback?