Ginger makes a good point. Do what you need to do for you and the boys. You know your situation best.
But, consider both sides carefully. The worst case scenario may not turn out to the worst afterall. This is true in my case.
My dad suffered a serious MLC when I was 12-14. My mother tried everything to keep our family intact. When I married, I prayed harder than I ever had that my children would never have to experience the same...
HOWEVER... looking back, my dad was acting like the world's biggest A$$. I remember wishing and hoping that he would just leave, because he caused so much tension in the house. I remember tremendous relief when he finally left. No more walking on eggshells.
As I look back, I can see how it wasn't my dad's leaving that caused so much pain... in fact that brought some blessed relief. The hard part was how quickly my mother moved into another abusive relationship, then we had to move, then we had another five years of serious upheaval and trauma. We never had time to heal.
My dad's leaving, in hindsight, gave my mother an opportunity she wouldn't have had otherwise. She was given the opportunity to create a really solid, peaceful life for us. She kinda bailed on this note and created some more pain, because of her fear of being alone.
A friend told me recently how divorce can be a good thing for kids. It's certainly true in our situation. I would never have the life I have now had my ex stayed.
This morning, my daughter and I spent the morning at the pool. We talked about summer plans to visit the National Gallery of Art to see the Van Gogh's. We discussed my niece coming to visit for two weeks in July. We talked about stopping at Williamsburg.
My oldest is now a raft guide in Tennessee, where she leads people on a rope's course, whitewater rapids and horseback. She NEVER would have the confidence to do this had her belittling father stayed in the picture.
My youngest with special needs, a diagnosis my ex made nearly impossible during his crisis, is confident and happy and content with herself.
Most importantly, both know home is a safe place, where no one deserves to be mistreated. They know how to overcome difficult situations. They know how to speak up when someone is being disrespectful to them, and to create firm boundaries when someone is toxic and unsupportive.
They also know they are most important. I put their needs first. Family comes first, but not at the expense of someone else's quality of life. Abuse is abuse no matter the reason behind it.
Just my experience. Hope it helps in some small way.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
