AJ - Honestly I don't see W dating anytime soon, I really don't. I know some people will tell me I'm being naive. But W is an avoidant, I can see her being single for the rest of her life just like her mother who is also an avoidant.
W came and chatted with me again last night after she got home. She wants me to remember how much she loves me and to not listen to my friends that tell me I should run and never look back. Her main concern is that once she leaves, I will erase her from my life. She said she has seen me do that with my previous ex's. I kept asking why does it matter? She responded that she truly thinks we have a shot at working on ourselves and re-connecting later. I told her I can't put my life on hold because then I'm not working on myself and that all I could worry about was today and not the future.
I'm not really sure what to make of all that ^^. She also kept reiterating that she was not "abandonining" me. She said I forced her out of the relationship when we had our argument, that I gave her no choice. Maybe that's how she really feels, that's her perception. But I disagree that I forced her to do anything. We had a fight and she consulted with her mother (who always rolls out the red carpet for W when she calls to complain about me), and she DECIDED to pick up and move 1,000 miles away without a job.
I find myself feeling more and more anxiety as her move date approaches. Honestly, the feeling is very similiar to when I was a kid when my sister passed away suddenly. When my sister died, I spent years in pain trying to make sense of it all. I think I'm scared I will go through that again when she leaves.
In the past, when a relationship would end, I would feel devestated and hurt but then I'd go out and find my next girlfriend and fall in love all over again. I never really processed my grief and sat with it. I'd slap a band-aid on it and dive into the new relationship.
I have no idea what to expect because as I've said in previous posts, I plan to lean into the pain this time.
