Next phase: Divorce and Acceptance

[Pax_luv]

Hi Pinn,
Thanks for that....i guess I'm starting to feel impatient as well and am just ready to move on and feel good in the company of men again. I'm decent company by myself and I'm ready to graduate to relationships outside of me, though I still have lots to learn. Ohhhh these feelings.... They never end!


So, just journaling..I kind of have a question that I just want to put into the universe. Though, I also already know the answer.

It's literally been 4 months and ex has finally agreed upon a forensic accountant to go through all the financials. That should start moving along soon. With that, there's a painful twinge in my gut that has me questioning if she (the CPA) is going to uncover the truth or if ex was cunning enough to cover it up. I know with certainty that things werent always as they seemed. Ex made great efforts to ensure things looked different on paper vs actual reality...especially in regards to finances. He was quite proud of his sneakiness, actually, and said it was "to protect us." I trusted that man with every ounce of my being.

I found myself drafting an email to my lawyer to see if the CPA could potentially bring these discrepancies to light, but stopped halfway through because I've been standing on my integrity this entire time... Why throw him under the bus now? Plus, even if I knew a fraction of what he was doing, could I be seen as an accomplice?!? That certainly was not my intent at all. Was he doing this with our personal finances as well? I have no idea the extent. Truthfully. The money was such a mess, there's no way I could get my arms wrapped around it... Which is why we're now having to pay more money for a forensic accountant. Go figure!

I just get sick thinking of it. We have to do this to get an accurate representation of a few things, but what if the truth still doesn't get revealed and this whole mess ends up being for nothing and he just has more ammo to hate me?

My intent was to sit back and let things surface without any influence from me. And so far, they have. This financial piece right now is the scary part. I guess I just have to have faith in the process. Whatever is supposed to happen, will happen. yeah??

Alright, that's all for now. Be well, everyone!