25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3

[Accuray]

Sorry about your rough weekend but glad that you got some quality connecting time with your daughter! I have an 18 year old daughter and that is a volatile time in terms of figuring out what you stand for.

I think I'm ready to meet & "Date".

But to really have a relationship seems like you'd just be distracting yourself. Maybe that's good.??

I mean, how could you not compare your new Person, to the stbx?

As much pain as you're in, that means for awhile the OP will be "better than" the soon to be ex b/c God knows you want that to be true.

But there will be times that cannot be true. I mean, the jokes, the history -bad AND good- and the things you really did have in common, cannot all be exceeded in the new person. I'm attractive and smart and funny....

I'm two years into a post-D relationship, FWIW you're ready to date when you feel it's time. "Dating" can be done on many levels, from just having a nice conversation with someone over coffee to actively seeking a new life partner. There are no rules for where you should be on that spectrum and people interested in dating at all points on that spectrum.

Dating is both wonderful and terrifying, from my perspective the worst part was telling people you didn't want to continue dating them, that was far worse than getting rejected IMO.

I did not have any issues with comparing new relationships to exW, each person is so different and each relationship has such different dynamics, its truly apples and oranges.

What I did gain, through the benefit of the rearview mirror, is that I put up with too much for too long. I paid a heavy tax for exW's unaddressed issues and there is so much more room for joy in a relationship than I experienced the first time around.

In this relationship I'm well beyond the honeymoon phase, and it has it's own challenges, but they are different ones and better suited to how I want to live.

I know people talk about the fact that second marriages have a lower success percentage. I'm not sure that's a bad thing -- I think people go in the second time around with the knowledge that divorce is totally survivable and that makes you less willing to tolerate abuse than you might be otherwise. Ideally it would lead you to make better choices to begin with in a partner but life doesn't always work that way.

In any case, take your time, wade into the shallow end of the dating experience whenever you feel you are ready, embrace it and enjoy it, you will be a prize to be won!

Acc