Happy Tuesday everyone. I had a horrible sleep last night. Yup, you guess it messages from my XW.
She put it in point form.
-1- what do I need to do to get the girls talking to me? -2- I know I moved away and also transferred my job further away.. I dodnthat fir the girls. I felt like they needed me gone. It was for them. -3- me and the girls were so close. They stole from me and I screamed at them. That is why we aren't seeing each other. -4- I have so much to ask them and tell them. 2 years has been a long time. -5- they won't forgive me. I guess things will remain like this. -6- do you forgive me Irish?
You can say I read it over and over. I'll answer probably tonight after my day of meetings.
All I can see is the blaming of the girls is still strong. She hasn't looked at herself yet.
As for me forgiving her. I think I'm past that stage. What's to forgive. Her half effort of apologizing and still blaming everyone. I'm just at a point where I don't care.
Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Forgiveness is for you buddy, not so much for her. Forgiving will set you free. You can't force it, you will feel when you are ready to forgive and let divine compassion fill your heart where anger and resentment festered.
Might wait a day or two to reply your mind will be clearer think about this for a moment-
IN your Opinion- and knowing what your XW Is currently capable of as she is today-
What do you think your XW needs to do to get the girls to be willing to talk to her? Is it a possibility of this happening the way she is now?
Maybe take a few days to think about this Talk to the girls if its appropriate
You always do a good job replying to her kind, cordial, honest and Clear and to the point if you think there is a chance of reconciliation for her and girls maybe make a road map for her to follow-easy like for a child thats your gift to her
If she can't follow through she will have to wait until next time she checks in
In reality though, the mlc is never the same unless they get serious help which she does not seem like she is doing- and the relationship with her and the girls will be different and maybe a very distant disconnected relationship
I think her moving away to help the girls is also another MLC response my xh did and said that as well
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I will drop some of my thoughts when I read this. Firstly wow it must be hard to continually be drawn back to the start of her cycling. Anyway here are my thoughts: 1. You need to reconnect with them. Only you can figure out how to do that. They have been hurt and are not in a position to be receptive to reconnecting right now. Those barriers took time to be put in place and will require time and effort on your part to enable the girls lower them.enough to consider. reflect upon what you are willing and able to do. If it is not a lot it will not work. 2. You choose to move away just as you choose to leave. The girls had no part in either decision. Maybe you chose believing iat was best for them, but it remains a decision taken alone. 3. All children do stuff that infuriates a parent. That is an incident and does not define the relationship. It is a series of behaviors and decisionsthat determine a R. Blaming the girls will not help anything and will definitely not help reconnect.
4. oYou have missed many important moments where a mothers presence would have benefited them. I am sure you have good things to add to their lives. Two years is a long time. That gap cannot be closed quickly.
5 change is the only constant there truly is. Change is possible. A defeatist attitude will only hinder that happening.You need to be willing to try even though seems improbable.
6 I forgive you
I don't have time to elaborate more, but in my replies the emphasis was on pushing it back to her.
I still see positives and liked she asked if you forgave her. But she needs to walk the walk instead of talking the talk. I am not sure she realises that yet
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Last edited by job; 05/18/1706:42 AM. Reason: Added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
