WW with affair moved out 4+ weeks ago

[15Stang]

Hi all,
Wanted to update my situation. My wife signed divorce papers on Friday and I signed them this morning. My guess is in the next few weeks I will be officially divorced. It is crazy to think that within 3 1/2 months I've gone from not having a clue that my wife is still having an affair to being divorced. It wasn't hard to sign the papers but afterwords on the drive home the emotions came pretty hard. I've cried more in the last couple days than I've cried in the last month. I'm not usually a vindictive person but I am sure frustrated about how this whole thing is working out. There seems to be zero consequences for my wife. She gets to leave, be with the person she wants to be with, and take almost $60,000 from me. I feel like I have had zero leverage in this whole divorce. My state is a no fault state so things get split 50-50. It just seems right now that I'm stuck with all of the consequences of somebody else's decisions. I lose a pretty good chunk of money, I lose my wife I don't want to lose, and I get to suffer through the emotional hell that comes with divorce and not wanting the divorce. I do believe in you reap what you sow. I have to believe that her consequences will eventually show up. It's just right now I get to bear the brunt of it.

Detaching has been quite a challenge. While I am trying I know I'm not fully there yet. My wife and I don't communicate. And if we do communicate she is the one that initiates. But usually it's about more money in the divorce.

I know I will be OK but the emotional up-and-down can be tough at times. I've had a pretty good month or so but the finality of everything is starting to take its toll at the moment.

I hope someday that I will be blessed with another person that I can have a relationship with. And not just a relationship but eventually marriage. I also hope that it will be better than my first marriage by leaps and bounds. And that is saying something because I thought my first marriage was pretty good. But what I can see is through most of our marriage my wife was minimally invested into the marriage. The more I move away from the situation and detach the more I'm able to see things like this. I was definitely the one that was invested into the relationship. This was an issue for me for most of our marriage but I eventually got to the point where I realized it wasn't going to change. I made a choice that I would love her even though she wasn't as invested. I just never thought the lack of investment would open the door for her to go invest somewhere else. But when you think about it that seems pretty logical that someone that isn't invested heavily may invest somewhere else.

Just wanted to update my situation. I hope you all are well.