I heard back, he was a little cold and said " later in the week although I don't know what the point is but whatever you want". I told him he sounded less than enthused and fine, we won't do it. he said what Don said, it's too early and these things get messy.
I'll make a long story short. I expressed some feelings I shouldn't have. I should have left it alone. I did tell him it hurt heoculdn't even wish me a happy mother's day. HE Db'd like a champ. He didn't even say anything in regards to that. he understands I am still hurt. I could see he turned everything off and I guess I spun a little on that one. He denies his distance for the 3 weeks prior and really saw this as an overnight decision. But I know better. I made the mistake of telling him I loved him and I'm letting him go. He said "thanks for the kind words" and I left it there.
I went backwards in DB time for 9 years. I've actually kept my mouth shut pretty well with the others. Maybe spun all over the place here, but not to anyone directly.
So, I have effectively made an A out of myself and that's the way I will be remembered. Half of me truly wanted to be his friend, the other half is still confused trying to make sense of things.
His bad traits? Ha, he does have them. I tend to idealize, but I always knew the bad came with the good so I always weighed them out. But bad traits, he is a self proclaimed alcoholic , lol. But he isn't really. Else I am an alcoholic because I only drink slightly less than him, hahaha. He was needy and insecure at times. He didn't handle stress to well. He was very opinionated and judgemental on how people should be doing things. I remember we were in a park on vacation and 2 kids were playing and the dad was on his phone. he went on about what a bad parent he was for being on his phone while his kids were playing. I told him he has no idea what he was doing with those kids earlier and maybe its time for kids to play and for him to relax. I said he really doesn't know what is going on in someone else's life before he judges. it's obvious signs of immaturity. And he just said some really messed up stuff (not to me) that could leave you with your mouth gaping open if you didn't get him.
he always joked that he has a black hole where his heart is supposed to be. I always told him that's not true. he is young. He is still trying to figure stuff out. And if him distancing himself from me totally helps him, I get it.
So what did I do? I erased all of his texts. I erased his contact. I unfriended him from FB and I went totally off of it. I am just going to erase him for now. In my heart I wish him the best. I hope he finds what he is looking for.
As for me? I went out with a very close friend last night. She cried when I told her because she knew how happy I was. All my friends have been there for me. I think he was always a little resentful of my friends. I am going to get back in to shape. I've lost some depression weight, but I am throwing myself back in full force. He has always struggled with his weight and he gained a lot since we both stopped the gym. His confidence went down the tubes with his weight coming back on. I told him I am here to help and we would do it together, but he did what he wanted. Now it's time for me to get my butt back into shape. I may be turning 37, but no reason I can't be a hot momma.
Part of me wants to just forget everything, the other part wants to remember the good stuff. For now, I'm going to do my best to forget and maybe one day I'll be in a good place to remember.
But from here on out I'm just erasing him from memory, contact and conversation because it's what I need now.
And yes, Don, I was the very best girlfriend I could be. I was the same as when he met me, when he fell for me, as the day he left me. I never ever cheated, I didn't even look another guy's way. My BFF said she was always "amazed" by how when I am in something with someone, I don't even look.
I don't think it was me. And I truly don't think he just lost all feelings. I realize he's also doing what he has to do to move on.
You didn't act like an A...you acted like a lady who had her heart broken a little more than a week ago and is still trying to make sense of it all. Nothing wrong with that...no harm was done.
You didn't act like an A...you acted like a lady who had her heart broken a little more than a week ago and is still trying to make sense of it all. Nothing wrong with that...no harm was done.
Thank you. I needed to hear that. At one point he said as much. I just want to be remembered with dignity and respect.
I still think FF has cooties and he probably eats his boogers.
He did get comfortable enough to fart on me.........
what? Thats not a dealbreaker?!!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
You didn't act like an A...you acted like a lady who had her heart broken a little more than a week ago and is still trying to make sense of it all. Nothing wrong with that...no harm was done.
Thank you. I needed to hear that. At one point he said as much. I just want to be remembered with dignity and respect.
I didn't agree (in my head) with you meeting up with him. I felt the same as KML and Don and others did...
But Ginger, I see nothing "undignified" about your attempts to meet up.
Hold your head up and be at peace.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thank you. I feel like me telling him my true feelings while he doesn't return any of it was pathetic. But maybe it was rather brave. To be able to tell someone you loved them when you know they can't tell you back. I didn't ask him to stay or reconsider. I did say I miss him although I know us being together is not right for him. I knew I wasn't going to hear any back, but I said it anyways, and while it hurt like heck not to hear any returned feelings, saying it is either stupid or brave. Maybe a little bit of both.
I am going to try to hold my head up and be at peace.
Reading a newcomers post, well a second time newcomer, I realized I am afraid of emotional pain and I want to avoid it at any cost sometimes. I do not handle it well. Sadly enough, I have experienced tons of it. But I am getting worse, not better at accepting it and dealing with it rather than avoiding it. Rejection is actually becoming harder too, rather than easier. I used to be the "F-you" kind of chick. I have been rejected more than accepted by men. Although I know this one was not about me. Someone gave me up again.
I think with my IC I'm going to work with her on ways to better not avoid pain and rejection and work through it.
I'm not sure why you feel you're handling this poorly? It's been a little over a week since it happened and you have strong feelings. Isn't that normal? They will subside. I'd be more worried it you had no feelings...the F-you attitude does not necessarily mean feelings are being dealt with better, it's just a different way and sometimes not that good a way. This will subside...it really will!
I have a secret recipe for placating a weary, love-torn soul. I get some pocket bread (of any sort you may like) and I spread some hummus inside and then I stuff it full of tabbouleh salad. Eat it slowly and savor every bite. When you're done, everything will be right as rain.
But bad traits, he is a self proclaimed alcoholic , lol
OK - if someone TELLS you they are an alcoholic, they ARE. HUGE RED FLAG! You have no idea how much he may have been drinking when he wasn't with you. This is NOT a statement that people who do not have a problem with alcohol make.
Quote:
he always joked that he has a black hole where his heart is supposed to be.
Again - HUGE RED FLAG!!!
Do you see how he was trying to tell you who he was and you kept rationalizing it away? When they tell you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!!!!
