Working on a Trial Separation Agreement with MLC H

[ccgrrl]

Thank you so much for that, HaWho.
He did kind of ask permission when he was telling me about this... he seemed to kind of be asking me for advice on how to introduce them (talk about wildly inappropriate!). At first I responded in a pretty logical, unemotional way, but then I called him the next day and made it really clear that he has no business introducing them and I don't want them to have any kind of relationship at all or to have any idea that he is "dating" while he's married. We seem to have an agreement in this regard, but he kept saying how he thought it was "unavoidable" that they would meet. I told him I just don't see why it is unavoidable. She doesn't have kids, so there's no reason why the kids would just bump into her. It would have to be because he purposely brought them somewhere that she would be.

I don't know what will happen. My 13yo is already in therapy - not about the collapse of our family specifically, but I'm sure it is playing into his own adolescent issues. And yet, my H is totally in denial that this is affecting our kids.

I am just venting here, but I have a really strong urge to hit him as hard as he hit me by doing something totally unexpected like serving him with divorce papers. I feel like for some reason, unconsciously, I have been working to make this easier for him - I can't seem to stop myself from this, so I feel like I need to do something that will make him see how I've been really taking care of him through this.

But the reasonable, compassionate side & the one that is entirely focused on parenting is what keeps me from doing anything. I don't know if this is good or bad. It just feels so incredibly unfair to be the one taking care of everything and have him not acknowledge that that's what's happening.

I contacted our MC, whom we haven't seen for two months. I feel like I do need to be back in therapy and since she knows everything already, I'd like to talk to her. But, she said if we do this privately, then that would rule out going back to MC with her later. I kind of feel like my need to work this out right now is more important and I don't feel like I can do that with him in the room - I no longer trust him at all. I need to talk to someone (aside from my friends -who are wonderful, but not objective) so I don't explode again at work or let on to the kids how really bad I feel.