Hi OwnIt and Job - thank you both so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences with this.
Job - I see the point in not trying to diagnosis the MLCer. Because we are not psychs, we are emotionally involved, and we lack the depth of experience, how do we know what we are seeing/reporting is really NPD. I get it. At least logically.
It is still very tempting! Lol! Partially because from my understanding of NPD it is very difficult to treat. And that gives me very little reason to hope for change. This is why I am so concerned about whether he really is on the unhealthy end of the narcissist spectrum.
There are times when I think I can't take any more. And others when I can manage just one more day.
When it comes right down to it, I often ponder the question I have seen asked around here and that is along the lines of what would I be doing if H were dead. I wouldn't be doing anything differently, right now at least. If H were dead, I would give myself some time to mourn and heal and then I would probably start dating.
Mother's Day went barely acknowledged. He left me a card in S's room from S. But other than that, he didn't utter a word about it. Not surprising.
More PA behavior. At least I think it's PA. At dinner yesterday evening, S was chewing on a piece of food that was too large for his mouth. S started gagging. I was closest to S and I was watching him closely to see if he started choking. H snottily said aren't you going to do anything, hit him on the back. (I wanted to hit H. Lol!) I calmly turned to H and told him that hitting someone if they are choking/gagging can make the situation worse. If S was really choking, then I would act. He responded, "oh."
I get really tired of him trying to paint me as a bad mom. He really believes I am going to just sit by and let my S choke to death? I honestly don't get it. It doesn't occur to him that the old wives tales that he buys into aren't real solutions. He just cannot stop for one second to think that maybe there is a really good reason why I do what I do. He immediately goes to guns and assumes the worse. I am getting very frustrated at this behavior. I am doing my best to respond calmly. I suppose it is all I can do. To point out what he is doing would just fall on deaf ears.
I feel like no matter what I say or how it's said, it won't make the tiniest of difference. In fact, I feel like anything I say, even if done nicely, will only get twisted around and used as ammunition against me. I really don't like this feeling.
I would love to be able to talk to him about this. But I don't feel that right now, it would do anything productive.
So I continue to do what I do, and that is stay calm, and do nothing.
