Here I go again on my own...

[DonH]

I would have thought that more people would have commented by now. Perhaps we are all waiting for someone else? So i guess I'll be the one to respond to your IC and her thoughts along with you going to meet FF this week.

I know you just want to feel better and hurt less, I just don't think going to meet FF is a good idea right now. For sure feeling sorry for him and trying to help him through this is not. That just sounds so codependent to me. It's not your job to make him feel better or be understood. It's not your job to fix him! I can't help but think that you are just hoping for him to say "omg, G I made a huge mistake and want you back." Is that what you are hoping for? If not, why rip off the dressing and reopen the wound all over again? Even if he does convince himself he did the wrong thing or is hurting too and wants it to stop, I can't believe he won't return to the same place he is now - all over again! He may think, just like he apparently did in the first place, that he can fit into an existing family. He will only figure out for the second or third time that he can't.

We can't stop you nor should we but as your friend I have to tell you how bad of an idea I think it is to go see him again so soon and expose yourself all over again. It's almost like a drug addiction and the drug is calling you back, pulling you in. Don't allow that to happen.

As for your IC, I totally disagreed with her advice on D and again disagree with some of her latest comments. I don't know her - you do. I just know that many ICs are more damaged than the patients they see. We all know how important finding the right marriage councilor is and how many bad ones are out there. I can't help but think she is bringing her own personal bias to your situation. I agree with her that people could be together 10 years and still not be in love. TOTALLY AGREE. But how can you truly be in love after only a few months with someone you don't know yet? To me that's not true love - that's infatuation!

I do agree with her that you are not all wrong in this. Opening yourself is not wrong. Wanting what you want is not wrong. For me and seeming others here, it's the pace of it all. She disagrees, but she does so with many, including other R experts.

I just mostly don't want you to hurt even more and going to see FF has a great potential fir that to happen. You had a friend talk you off the ledge a few days ago on this. I hope she does it again.

Seeing you in so much pain both makes me feel really bad for you and scares the crap out of me. You've gone from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows in only a couple of weeks. I'd really love to feel the highs with someone some day again but am not sure the risk if the lows is worth it - for me that is. I remember how bad I felt after my BD and just don't ever want that again - not for you or for anyone. Sadly, that's not how life works. I'm sure everyone here will support you whatever happens, I just hope you'll take a step back off the ledge again and let more time pass before you go meet FF. I don't see you getting anywhere near the closure you are hoping for.