Thank you so much Zeus. I try everyday to be the best mom I can. I am afraid I have been failing her this past week but sleeping and crying so much. The grief has seriously knocked me out. I have never slept so much in my life. I even slept on my lunch breaks this week at work. My friend got me out to a Mother's day cycling class this morning and I am glad. It was a really hard ride, but I did well. I am trying to make myself look pretty today for our early dinner so that I can just feel better.
He didn't even wish me a happy Mother's day, ignored my post on FB (I am going back off, it's ridiculous I even read into that) and I guess he is far off detached. he had been detaching for weeks, so I guess not so hard. But yes, I should focus on my side of the street, but I wonder if he has really forgotten about me that easily. If he still thinks of me. If he has an ounce of hurt in him.
I am angry for myself for spending today trying to fight off tears on this day when I have my loving family with me. Grief has taken me over. I know this too shall pass. Hopefully if he gets back to me with what day we are going to meet. I'll get an ounce of closure. I wanted to be his friend, but I don't know if I am strong enough.
I think I am realizing lately I am not really all that strong.
