I'll admit that I am in knowledge of where she is at a given moment. I'm not proud of this but I felt it a necessary step to know one way or the other if an affair is still ongoing. It's obviously not 100% if it's an ongoing EA, but does provide more concrete evidence of a PA. It was even suggested by my therapist (a former police officer) to consider hiring a PI.
My therapist could easily see how I was consumed with this need to know one way or the other. Meaning I NEED to know if something is still going on or not. She asked what I would do if I found out for sure there was still an EA/PA with the OM and I can confidently state that I will push for a separation at that point...which I believe I am ready for. Ultimately I think this would be a huge wake-up call for my wife and would push her back to me but I'm not also really concerned if it played out like that and would still be willing to live without her any longer. Conversely, if I find nothing going on between her and the OM, then I can take comfort and piece-of-mind that there is a better chance of reconciliation.
Again, I know my sitch hasn't been really going on that long at all, well at least not with there being AM in the picture if he still is. Only 2 months or so, but the way this has affected me and my children, is not something I plan on continuing. I'm generally a really laid back guy and I am tired of my wife taking advantage of that. I'm ready to either move forward or move on, with or without her. I do love her immensely and hope for the best but I will not continue to be a doormat or her plan B for long.
