Still no answer from her on whether she wants to work on marriage and she still isn't very willing to discuss. I did give her an out during one conversation, the one after she had been on the other side of town. I told her that if there isn't any hope for us or she doesn't want me any longer, then maybe we should get on with things and start moving toward separation or divorce because I didn't want to live in limbo if she really wanted out. No begging, no pleading just stated matter-of-factly. She could only say that if there was no hope then she would have moved on already. She is holding on but maybe for only the wrong reasons - financially she can not support herself. Her parents are well off and they have a 4-5 extra bedrooms in their house but I don't know how accepting they would be of her moving back in. They know at least part of the story between us and also the OM. However, during that same conversation I also mentioned that I would be fair to her (financially) if she wanted out...not that I would have an option according to the court.
She still has not admitted to an EA/PA other than she confessing to hanging out with the OM that day I found her car at his house. That obviously can't be denied since I caught her there redhanded. Again she is sticking with the story of just going for a motorcycle ride with him to clear her head.
I am being driven somewhat by fear still. I'm really having trouble shaking that feeling. However I will say that I'm becoming more and more used to the idea that I very well may be on my own soon. I keep imagining myself being a bachelor and a single father. This has actually been very helpful to my mental state and helps me put fears aside as short lived as those thoughts may be.
