First time here part 2

[leahsue]

So, a little update. I last talked to H last Saturday. It was a good conversation and he was thinking he'd be able to set definite dates for his visit here by the end of this week. I didn't push, it was all his bringing it up. Later that day, I texted him, and he didn't respond. Sunday I texted and he responded, but by then I was feeling a little rejected so I'm sure I responded in a bit of a needy way (I know, I know). Then, because I regretted what I'd texted, I texted again. (Again, I know.) He never responded. So Monday morning is when I posted the whole epiphany about I need to re-learn pursuit and distance, etc. Late Monday afternoon, he texted- kind of a "why would you think I felt....... in answer to my Sunday text. In TOTAL opposite of my normal, I did not answer the text. I don't think I've ever done that with him, not in normal times, and not even in this chapter. I just didn't have anything to say. Since I live alone, when I don't respond, I have to think it worries people a little, just if I'm ok or not. (I was painting the house one time and fell off a ladder and scared everyone to death. They all know I am a daredevil and won't wait for someone to help me if there's a project I want done. ). In fact, last week I was out in the neighborhood sitting on people's porches, etc. and left my phone at home. When I got back my SON had called and texted like 6 times- just let me know you're OK! I just laughed. Role reversal!
Anyway, H has never been protective that way. I think he just assumes I'll always be OK. Plus he knows how my first husband was so over-bearing and controlling about my every move, every second, so in some ways I think H has always tried to hold very loose reins on me. But again, it's very unusual for me to just not respond. I don't hold my tongue very well. So Tuesday morning he texted with some kind of dumb question about a password and log in- did I have it? He was so dependent on me for all of that stuff. I was in counseling so didn't see it for an hour. But I texted back and said- probably, but I'm not at home. Also, very unlike me to not write a paragraph about where I am, I'll look when I get home and send, blah blah. He texted back, I was able to get it from device #. That was Tuesday. I did not respond. Normally I would have said, OK, good. Or something. But I just didn't have anything to say. Since then, I've been silent, and so has he. That has not happened since he started coming around to communication in March. I'm not even going to try and figure out why, because I can't. But I'm taking this distance/pursuit thing seriously now. If he wants me, he can pursue and I'll be willing to have the door open. But I'm not opening doors any more during this season. I feel good about it, and honestly, there's been a freedom this week in NOT talking to him. No push and pull, tug of war, that's been so hard for me lately. I don't know if this is helping or hurting the progress we'd been making, but it's helping ME, and that's all I can control. Right, sister and brothers? Hope everyone has a GET A LIFE kind of weekend!