Wife Says "Its Over" and is hard and angry with me

[doodler]

And I'm trying to be supportive of what she wants to do, but it's difficult to not feel resentful and a bit of a doormat.

downhub,

You have every reason to feel resentful. When she planned the fishing trip, she didn't include you. She didn't ask you if you'd be ok with it; she told you what she was going to do and didn't include you. Why do you think she did that?

[downhub]

She did it because she doesn't want to go with me, she wants to go with her uncle, which is a very complicated and rather unnatural attachment and relationship.

[doodler]

She did it because she doesn't want to go with me, she wants to go with her uncle, which is a very complicated and rather unnatural attachment and relationship.

You might be getting closer to the real issue.

[downhub]

So, before this continues, let me clarify about the uncle. He is her mother's half uncle who recently met her (he never know his half-sister existed). He's my wife's same age, and we recently moved near him. My wife has had an extremely intimate relationship with him for about 8 months, texting, skyping, and she hid it from me at first. When I found out, I assumed she was having an affair with him. I do not believe that do be the case, but I can tell my wife is obsessed with him, will do anything for him, tells him everything, and he replaced me in her life as her emotional support and friend. I believe (though my wife denies it) that he has a massive part to play in her falling out of love with me.

They are not having a physical affair, but she is almost acting like she is having an emotional affair, or at the very least a unhealthy relationship with him.

[downhub]

My wife says this would have happened even if she hadn't met him, and she denies that her relationship is unhealthy. For my part I try to trust her, not bug her when they go out together, and not get upset, but I know that he's a massive part of why this is happening. Because before she met him we were fine, she never mentioned divorce, but two months after she started talking to him (I'm talking hundreds of texts in a day) she told me she wanted out.

[doodler]

They are not having a physical affair, but she is almost acting like she is having an emotional affair, or at the very least a unhealthy relationship with him.

downhub,

Whatever they're doing, it's not appropriate in the context of marriage. That's why you feel resentful and you feel like a doormat.

[downhub]

Agreed. so what do I do?

[MoveFrwd]

I'm considering going home, dropping our son off and then leaving again for a week or two. She said she enjoyed her freedom for the past two weeks, but it was without a kid. Maybe the reality of being alone with out son will shake things up. Bad idea?

Yes, this is a bad idea. I would not just 'drop your son off' or leave. You may never be able to get back in. If she wants space, let her find it.

In addition, its kind of controlling/manipulative. I mean, do you really want her to be with you just because she doesnt want to have to single parent for a few days at a time?

[MoveFrwd]

Agreed. so what do I do?

First, stop asking her questions. You cant believe any of the words to begin with, so whats the point in asking? You say shes being brutally honest, but what does that really mean? Saying shes never been in love with you? Im sure thats a lie. So, whats the point of continuing to talk to her? Stop asking and stop going by her words.

As for what to do, if you want to stop being treated like a doormat, then stop being a doormat. Once you have a child, you dont get to have a 'selfish year'. If she wants to go out, then set up a schedule where you each will have nights free. You are not her live-in babysitter. If she doesnt want to act married, then you should not give her the benefits of being married to you.

Read Sandi's rules and start applying them always.

[Tryin2figuritout]

Downhub,

With not taking control / insecurity being some significant issues, I highly recommend checking out... It has blown my mind on how I should think about my M with my W or if I get D any future R with another woman.

Best of luck.