I saw my IC tonight. I brought up everything you guys said, everything I have been feeling. The conclusion? I really do love him. I really was happy living in the moment. It was him looking to the future. ANd he can't be blamed. I could sit there and be mad he "pretended" like he wanted to build on the life I had, but we concluded he was trying to convince himself of that. He didn't even know at the time.
I feel for him. Like my heart kind of breaks for him. I just know and my IC concurs with the story I told her of his ex GF. He just wants what he thought he had, but someone else got. I know how devastating and life changing it is to watch someone live the life that was supposed to be yours. He feels not good enough for himself. I hurt for him because I have been there. He is not a bad guy. We were really good friends.
Before seeing her I realized how important it would be for the both of us to meet as a friend. I want to be a sincere friend to him. I think he could use one. I don't think anyone understands him. I actually do. Maybe his purpose in my life is to be his friend. And perhaps he could be a friend to me.
So I texted him tonight to ask to meet up next week. I said I want to meet simply as a friend. Not in anger, not to beg him back. I do want to talk to him, but it's good, not bad.
I think this will be good for the both of us. What we had was a great thing. Why should it just be cut off completely? The only reason I could think of is to save my heart. But my hreat is not scared to do this.
Timing and circumstance simply cannot be beat for his wants. I know things are just not possible for us. Our needs are different. They are mountains to climb. They are non-negotiable without making huge sacrifice on either part and that would just lead to a life of resentment.
More tomorrow about me and the appt. But she does not think I love wrong or I move to fast. She thinks I learned from trying to rasp onto something that isn't right for me because I wanted a certain future.
This time I was loving the present. I was content. It was he he needed more, not me.
