You guys aren't going to beleive this 4

[AJM]

So much good advice. I rarely end up on here any longer, but saw your posts and read through the threads.

This stood out to me

Abuse is the trump card WAS's play to gain the immediate support from everyone around them for their decision. Instead of society challenging them on their decision to destroy a family, the WAS becomes a hero applauded for their strength in facing such a hard path for the betterment of their lives and to set a good example for their children. Because of this there are accusations of abuse of some type in almost every divorce and the definition has been watered down as has society's ability to hold people accountable for their decisions.

This doesn't mean all cries of abuse are false. It just means that not all cries of abuse are true either, and this is why people make that claim.

Yeah, it does happen that way. It's an easy out. And it reminds of a recent ex gf. At the time she left, she was upset and had lots going on. Her FOO sucked for sure (who's didn't by current standards? ) I met her just after her ex-fiancé was caught cheating and her mom had died. We dated for several years but at the end, she wanted out and left the state. Fast forward a couple of years and she wants to get back together. Her words, "I don't know how you stayed with me. I didn't like me!" What did I take from that? Her issues led her away. Not me.

Why does that come to mind? Because what I'm seeing in your posts makes me think it's your WAW's issues that are leading her away, not yours. The actions say that, not the words. It's the story that comes through in all your myriad of posts. And it's consistent.

I've been there though. It hurts. You try to fix it, or at least not be the bad guy. You get accused of all kinds of things and that slows you down while you evaluate them. Why evaluate them? Because you need to know for sure. And one by one, you figure them out.

I'm trying to tell you that you didn't break her and so cannot fix her or the relationship. Should you be angry? Yes. Should you be sad? Yes. For you and for her and for the kids. Grieve but let go. Until you do, you only hurt yourself and her. After that, she can deal with herself or not.

But one thing is very certain in your thread - you cannot make things ok for her. She has to do that. Whether it's now or ten years from now, she'll do it, too.

I'm slowly taking off my rose tinted glasses. W is a lovely person. A caring mother and friend. But she's not fit for a relationship (neither am I). My plan is to be single for at least a year. I will get my own place and try to get comfortable being by myself

She WAS a lovely person as far as you're concerned. She is not now. Not around you. But I strongly suggest you remember her that way as you move on. Dr Zeuss comes to mind when he says don't be sorry that it happened, but rather be glad it did. All of it happened - some good and some not so much. And while it is not what you wanted, it is what she seems to need in her life, as painful as it will be for all concerned.

Leave her to it. Honor that past relationship and move ahead with yourself. Respect yourself and the family, and do it with class and honor, but move ahead regardless of what she says.

Believe me, if she has an epiphany, she'll find a way to let you know and you can decide then.

Peace brother,

AJ