On way to DB Victory?

[sellout]

Question: The longer DB goes on and the less time you visit, speak, communicate with spouse: how do they know you are still interested in working on marriage?

Example: I am GAL, 180, Detaching - and then months go by and we slowly start drifting apart...how does/will she know I still want to work on marriage? Do we ALWAYS let them to be the one to bring it up? What if they are scared of rejection and don't want to bring it up?

Make sense?

You have said the Div was retracted and refiled multiple times. So one or both of you is far too reactive. And in most eyes your time line is very very short.

Your post above and signature block make it seem to me that you think if things are not all better by next month, then all is lost. That is Reactive and fear based.

here is the math of it, which I think I've posted to you before but here goes...

Small consistent changes + sufficient time = change she can believe in.

Stop rushing this. You really do each have issues. No judgement meant by that comment.
I mean, what was the m like when you both were happy?

What would SHE say the problems are?

What are you doing on your end of things now? I don't mean how much you are working on getting her back

but on your own inward work? To become a better man, h and dad?

How is your son handling all this?

I am making the slow, consistent changes and trust me, she notices. I would almost bet that she is in the stage now of "seeing if it will stick". My son is doing ok. HE doesn't like talking about it and keeps it to himself which isn't that great. We both (mom/dad) always tell him we are here to talk when he wants to.

Yes, I am the reactive one. I was far too reactive in many circumstances from 1/1/17 to about a month ago. I filed for divorce, retracted, filed again and then she said she wanted to retract and then filed final time.

We have not been to court yet, and she hasn't mentioned anything about divorce in about 3 weeks. She is now calling/texting more regularly sometimes just to tell me some story that has no relevance.

One thing that stuck out to me in the DB book is...do what works and stop doing what doesn't work. The goal here is to get my wife back and it seems that she is slowly opening up the communication lines.

I went to my Counselor yesterday and he made an interesting recommendation:

He said: "I know you really well now and know your story. What I don't know is the other 50% of the story. I would like to get your wife in here to my office by herself and he the other 50%, that way I can help you become the better man and father that you want to be."

At that point a light bulb went off in my head and then Dr. confirmed my thinking. If she would agree to come in to visit with him with it could certainly acomplish 1 thing (him hearing the other 50% of the story) but......... it could also potentially open a door where should could start to hear about the poistive changes I am making in my life, get her some vent time and who knows what could come out of it.

I briefly mentioned it to her this morning (after she called to tell me a meaningless story) and she said she would think about it.

Thoughts?