Oh ok. That's a little more details and a little different. Any reason you wouldn't want your son to go along with you? Not saying it's a must, but just like I assumed you were bolting the courts could too. Does that make sense?
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
So, I have currently been out of town for two weeks with my son, and my wife has had two weeks of freedom to do whatever she wants. I have been the primary caretaker for our son, and to be perfectly honest I've been a pushover and a doormat for years, and she always just leave our son with me to run off and do whatever she wants. I'm wondering if I leave him with her for a week or two, forcing her to see the reality of being a single parent, it may make her realize everything I do for her. Or could it backfire?
Don't go out of town for a week or two just to get a reaction from her, and definitely don't use your son as a pawn... If you need some time alone, tell her you're going to take that time, make a schedule for nights you want to go out and do things alone, and that she needs to take care of son. Your GAL activities would be a good reason, such as joining a team, league, or whatever and you won't be available on x nights and she'll need to provide care.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Ok, so then I will just continue with my plan of starting to go to church, getting involved in a Bible Study, and going to the gym everyday.
Now, one thing that I've thought about doing is inviting her to do something with me once a week. Going on a walk as a family, to coffee, etc. On top of GAL does that sound like something possibly productive.
Ok, so then I will just continue with my plan of starting to go to church, getting involved in a Bible Study, and going to the gym everyday.
Now, one thing that I've thought about doing is inviting her to do something with me once a week. Going on a walk as a family, to coffee, etc. On top of GAL does that sound like something possibly productive.
Hello downhub,
I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.
You have really good questions. I'm glad you have a session scheduled with Chuck for tomorrow. Be sure to ask him these questions.
Meanwhile, focus all of your time, effort and energy into being the best downhub and Dad that only a fool would leave.
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
She said that since we aren't together anymore (even though she still sleeps in our bed and hasn't filed for divorce) she doesn't want to do things with me, and she wants to make this year her "selfish year" since our whole marriage I never let her have any fun (Yes, I was a bit controlling the first year or so of our marriage, but not to the extent of keeping her from having fun, more that I was jealous and possessive).
She is. And I'm trying to be supportive of what she wants to do, but it's difficult to not feel resentful and a bit of a doormat.
In the back of my mind, I feel like she's working through something, and perhaps this isn't as much about me as it is about the fact that she grew up in a very conservative, controlling household, got married young, and had a child young, but when she tells me she never loved me, wishes she hadn't had a child with me, and that she wants to be able to date someone else if she meets them it's hard. Then I turn around and see that she's still living with me, sleeping in my bed, but we haven't had sex in 5 months.
Her family feels she's just using me for money and baby sitting so she can do what she wants. I don't want to believe that.
That is something I appreciate, I feel that she is being honest, brutally honest, but honest. I don't think she's had an affair (despite me accusing her of one a few months ago, which really drove a massive wedge between us) and I don't feel like she's sneaking behind my back. I just think she hates being with me (because she told me) and doesn't enjoy being around me and feels nothing for me but a friend/brother relationship (all her exact words). She also feels I never took control enough in our relationship (sex and normal life) and I was insecure(true).
I'm making some positive changes already, like when she tries to bait me into an argument I simply listen, respond, and then rather than try to over analyze it and bombard her with texts and I'm sorry's, I just let her be to think about it. She called me angry and upset (not even about stuff I've done) 3 times over the past 2 weeks when I was visiting her family, and after she hung up I simply left her alone, and all 3 times she apologized a few hours later for being so harsh, which has never happened. So chalk one win up to an experiment!
