Honestly, I really dont know if I would take W back. I think part of me wants to see her reach out to me so that my ego isn't so bruised.
I'm starting to fantasize about my life without W. I told my IC that sometimes it scares me that I get excited about my future without W. Other times, I just miss her.
I also told my IC that my mind and my heart are at war right now. My heart wants W and misses her and all the laughs we shared. My mind tells me "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior" and to view this as a gift from W.
Look, I know honestly that W and I probably aren't meant to be. We've tried and tried and the same patterns eventually present themselves. But it's not so easy to truly let go.
W is still moving and I dont see her changing her mind. I need to accept that. I'm trying to get strong because I know one day she will reach out to me with regrets. And I hope by that time I have enough self esteem to consider myself first and what my needs are.
I'm sure I've probably painted this horrible picture of W with all the stories I've told all of you. But she isn't a bad person. In fact, she's very caring and loving. BUT, she has a lot of issues that I don't think she will ever admit to and/or confront. And she definately reacts quickly to her emotions and can make impulsive decisions. I honestly don't think she will ever change in that regard.
I'm slowly taking off my rose tinted glasses. W is a lovely person. A caring mother and friend. But she's not fit for a relationship (neither am I). My plan is to be single for at least a year. I will get my own place and try to get comfortable being by myself.
