180man Thread 4

[180Man]

Well, I went to sex therapy yesterday. I didn't quite know what to expect. I mean, I thought I did, but I definitely didn't. Anyways, it was both really good and really weird. Not sure how to describe it. Anyways, I have hope that I can work through some of my problems so they are no longer problems. I'll continue going to ST along with IC...it certainly can't make me a worse person, right?

Btrow, I just read through your thread...yeah...I wish I had an answer for both of us. I don't know. Yesterday I was onboard with continuing NC, but I am so easily swayed one way or another when I talk to others or read...I am normally not like this, but I guess in this situation I have no foundation or knowledge of what is right. I want to feel that what I am doing is the right thing. Since everyone pulled me back from the ledge in the last day or two, I have started to feel a mild amount of anger at some points in the day toward my W. Thoughts such as "Well, if she doesn't want me, if she wants to run away, if she can't handle this...fùck her!". Those thoughts are both scary and reassuring at the same time.

But then I talk to someone else last night and they plant a seed that takes me back toward...maybe I need to just be the man and tell her I want to see her once a week and do something fun. What if she responded positively to that? What if everyone is wrong? I mean, I know she would reply to any email I send. And I have the gut feeling that she would likely agree to hang out. And how else do you build goodwill and positive experiences other than to spend time with each other?

It's all very confusing and I hate it. I hate being resolute one day and the next day being unsure. And I'm sure I'm frustrating the hell out of everyone here. I'm such an amateur.

I can make a decision in a snap on whether or not to engage the enemy, but I'm a wet blanket when it comes to my M.

Time for a run, maybe it will help clear my head...