Ginger - Just want to remind you of a few things. Things I wish my 20-something self had known.
- your desire to heal the wounds of your childhood lead you to want to much too soon from a relationship. You are not just evaluating a potential partner, you are looking for the affirmation you so desperately desire. You need to find a way to separate the two so you don't relive the trauma of your childhood with every relationship, and so you don't end up with a guy who is not right for you just because he wants you. You know the Buddhist saying, "All suffering comes from desire?". I wanted so badly to be in a permanent relationship when I was in my late 20's that I blew right past the red flags about my ex. You might want to check out a book called When The Past Is Present by Richo.
- AS for your daughter and dates- I know it's inconvenient but I would wait a minimum of 6 mos before introducing her to anyone, and longer before involving them in her life. Yes, it's possible you'll waste 6 months on a guy and then find out he's not a match with your kid, but you'll save your daughter the pain of attachment and rejection.
- Try to just enjoy the moment with future dates and don't try to project too far into the future. Someone will be right for you but it takes TIME to get to know them and find out if they ARE right for you. Jumping in with your whole heart is NOT a virtue, it's a sign of neediness. True love is different than the acute infatuation that occurs early in a relationship (and, indeed, the stronger that acute infatuation is, the more you have to wonder if it is based on a healthy evaluation or an unhealthy fantasy.) Give a guy time to show you who he really is before you get so involved.
- the key mindset change you need to make is to move from "does he think I'm good enough for him?" to "Hmm, is this guy good enough for me?"
- and if you are the type who gets too attached as soon as you sleep with a guy - DON'T SLEEP WITH THEM until you really know who they are. (I don't have a problem with this - in fact, as a child of the 60's/70's, I'm comfortable with friendly casual sex in the right situation. And when a relationship doesn't work out I'm pretty quick to move on. But I have a friend who attaches really strongly once she sleeps with a guy, and it takes her forever to get over a broken romance even if it clearly was the wrong guy. SHE has to be very very careful who she sleeps with and wait until she is quite confident. She even goes to SLAA meetings because of her tendency to over-romanticize relationships and get "stuck".
