180man Thread 4

[sandi2]

To clarify, I agree that the W and the H should respect each other. It is crucial for the W to feel respect for her H, b/c it is tied to her desire. The man needs to feel admiration and she needs to feel cherished. When we fail to sincerely show our spouse our best efforts in filling their most important emotional need in a MR, then how can we expect more than what we get?

Thanks for sharing that Sandi, it's really interesting that you were working with couples before everything happened.

Ironic, right? Just goes to show that when we ignore those basic emotional needs in our spouse........eventually, it leaves the MR vulnerable. And btw, I am talking about years of unmet needs.

I also find it interesting that you see a distinct difference between the secular and Christian flavors of R books

Well, only b/c the secular material stays away from attaching religious references to their program, book, or whatever they are selling. It doesn't mean they don't have valuable information. In fact, I probably used at least an equal amount of secular resources as religious ones in my class, ......b/c my audience were young adult couples who mostly grew up in church and were seeking something further than hearing "thou shalt and thou shalt not" that they got on Sundays. They wanted "how to" solutions for particular problems the modern day family faces. So I tried to present that information......without teaching anything that was contrary to the beliefs of my church.

Unfortunately, I cannot remember studying the information that would be so critical for my own personal M crisis a few years later. I had studied about infidelity in religious material, but I had never read or heard anything about how affairs are addictive and all the other stuff I would be getting from my DB mentors. I felt as if I had been living in the dark ages! How had I missed it in all the materials about MR's? Maybe I wasn't searching for the right key words, maybe I read something but saw it with a self-righteous view, and therefore, missed what it was really saying, or maybe b/c I never dreamed it would apply to me one day. I know that the way I saw a wayward wife back then.....and how I see a WW after being one myself.....has been enlightening, to say the least. It's not just b/c I experienced it. It has much more to do with what I have learned since then.

Sorry, getting off the subject a bit. So anyway, there are good resources out there that reveal fresh ideas, and perhaps explain things in a way that we never had considered. Like men are from Mars and women from Venus that everyone went crazy over when it was first published. The author didn't really reveal something I had not previously studied, but his presentation was fresh, even funny at times, and simple to grasp. There are authors who are recognized as writing "religious based" books, who had written practically the same thing........but just used a different style in getting the message through to the readers.

Thanks for your interest.