WW in PA: Threaten to tell kids? Confront OM?

[hoosjim]

That's just the thing. Im in a weird spot due to the dynamics that got me here. Neglect and distance are what CAUSED my problems in the first place. So, "doing 180s" and "avoiding pursuit" are directly opposed here. This is a woman who wants to be pursued/noticed/etc. Ignoring her is exactly what got me into this mess. My best interpretation of the DB guidelines (and I have had the benefit of some DB coaching, here) is that i SHOULD show signs of interest and SHOULD be looking for opportunities to foster closeness/touch/intimacy. OTOH, this is directly contrary to what Sandi and others say about what to do with WWs... but, then again, my "WW" has what seems to be some atypical quirks. I'm doing the best I can, spending alot of time on improving myself physically, spiritually, socially, emotionally, etc. However, with a cohabitating wife, there's only so much "space" i can give her (and perhaps only so much i SHOULD give her. I'm trying to walk what I think is a very delicate line here. I honestly think that complete distancing, close to the point of going "dark" would be counterproductive. OTOH, she is fairly clearly not interested in me right now... but yet she stays. Honestly it would have been much easier, process-wise, had she rejected the NC ultimatum and moved out... then my path forward would have been, IMO, somewhat clearer. Now, at least on the surface, she seems somewhat interested in at least exploring her future with me... though she has not, IMO, reached the point of full remorse/responsibility for the A. I think that Sandi is right that for now it is "Baby steps". But the situation is, I think, in some ways unique and I am not finding alot of precedent for my exact situation on these boards... which is why I keep posting looking for insight.

And isn't strategizing and planning at least on some level sort of integral to the whole DB mindset? Yes, you are doing things for YOURSELF so you come out better no matter what the result, but your goal/objective is STILL primarily to "Bust the Divorce", yes?