Introducing myself...

[focus22]

Sorry to hear that Focus. Firstly, anger is energy that needs releasing. Hence the scrubbing urge...I guess your oven may be spotless now? (((Hugs)))

Lol...I've cleaned the cupboards now, on top, inside, out, cleaned inside the drawers, given more stuff to the charity shop, thrown out an old Christmas present that he bought me many years ago (bought last thing on Christmas Eve, already broken, and never fixed). Anyway, I'm enjoying my nice clean kitchen :o)

I'm in the UK too but different law here. So he could choose to file on a no fault basis? What works for you at this point? Sounds like he is seeking approval to move forward and hopes you may collaborate, so this feels like a mutual desire to D?

So, the way the law works here, you get divorced because of 'irretrievable breakdown'. And the reasons are:
* unreasonable behaviour
* adultery
* living separately for at least one year (this way of D has to be by mutual agreement)
* living separately for at least two years (this way of D can be without your spouse's agreement by this point)

For me, I told XH that D wasn't my choice, but I wouldn't oppose if that were his choice and he did file. I have no regrets about letting him do the work, being cooperative & responding minimally and with Ls in the mix.

Best advice I can give? Release the emotion away from him & respond in a minimal way to him, though pleasant. Post here first if that helps..

Xx

Thank you.

I'm letting the feelings just sit there for a while. I haven't answered yet.

I had a couple of thoughts though. I might say I'm thinking it over, but ask him to clarify what he means by the 'our financial matters' bit.

Focus

Have you an L? Getting great L might be important.

Please don't assume team FHM will stay all yours, I am having the fight of my life to keep mine which I owned for 30 years before I met the Giggalo, my M was on
YouTube 9 months. I am in England though, Scots law can be different.

Protect yourself financially.

Big Hugs

V

Thank you lovely V.

What's 'team FHM'?

I'll wait a bit longer (another week/couple of weeks?) before replying, and then say I'm thinking it over but ask him to clarify what he meant by the 'our financial matters' thing. And at that point I might go and speak to a lawyer?

Does that sound like it's reasonable/a good plan?

I had a L tell me I was very lucky as things were very straight forward: no children, no joint assets, no marital property (not even a joint bank account).

I have the smallest sneaking suspicion that he might offer to pay my mortgage off for me. Last time he texted (early November? Mid November?) he asked in a round about way how much was left on the mortgage.

Now, I know this is mind reading, but I'm wondering that he thinks that paying my mortgage off (not much at all, barely £3,000 at this point) will redress the balance of his crappy behaviour in some way, and so he can absolve himself as a result?



Also, we're really not that far off the living separately for two years mark, after which, according to Scots law, he could just divorce me, whether I agreed to it or not. So why not wait until then?

I really don't understand why he's got in touch now, instead of just waiting it out for another few months, and going ahead without having to get in touch with me?