So Confused and Conflicted (8)

[WshIKnw]

I'm also not clear from your earlier posts where you were being taken advantage of by your wife.

I wasn't, but I'm often not dealing with my wife, post-bomb-drop; I'm dealing with someone I don't know -- someone with a very cold heart. Sandi has attested to this a whole lot. When it is my wife, it's a beautiful thing. And that is what I crave. That is what I fight for.

How or why is being "taken advantage of" such a huge fear in you?

How big a fear is it, compared to losing your w forever??

I just want to be attractive. That is my concern. The money is nothing to me. I was concerned that buying her the expensive pillows would look desperate and unattractive to her -- that it would not cultivate respect in her, for me. But I see where you all are coming from, and I appreciate and value your point of view.

Otherwise she can check off the list -

"I tried again, b/c Wsh said he changed and my needs were a priority - (but his fears of 'being taken advantage of' ruled, again, & Wish was the same old..."

I try to avoid ever telling her that I've changed, unless asked, and then I try to not make unbelievable statements about my changes. Seeing my changes is what counts, not hearing about supposed changes.

I just think she wants to be loved fully. She wants to trust that you will fully love her and not attach conditions to it.

So, what do you want to do?

I have believed this all along, during the breakup. I just hope that I can get her to trust that I will be the way she wants me to be. She dated me for 2.5 years before marrying me. Either I've done it right before, or she wants a different Wsh than she's had before, which is hopefully one that I am and can further become. I think it's a mix of the two: She wants the really loving Wsh that wasn't too comfortable in the relationship, and she wants a new Wsh that is more mature and stronger.