Here I go again on my own...

[DonH]

As a few more days have passed, I want to ask if all this really was what it was or what you wanted it to be? By that I mean was this new R actually all of these perfect things or merely what you wanted them to be or hoped for? Perhaps no one knows. Others have already speculated that the reasons he gave may not be all of or even any of the actual reasons. There could be more or the actual reasons could be all different.

It almost appears as you see and feel the love of your life from a multi year R has left. Most of us see a short, budding R of a few months that just ran its course. You are there and we are not. Neither is right or wrong. I just see it this way - especially with the best friends comment. Are best friends made in three months? For sure it may FEEL that way, but is it really? When I think of my best friends, none hit that status in the first three months. Most I've known "forever". Some are not even in my life that much anymore but were best friends for a long period. One from about age 10 through about 25. Another from about 23 through 45. Yet another from about 25 to 45 and now somewhat building back again. Others more current. I'll bet your true best friends have been there for a long time - right? Might you and FF gone on to be best friends? Certainly. That's part of the process but is it even heathy to name a best friend so soon? People reveal themselves over time. It's that time that fosters the friendship. Just like now with a best friend talking you off the ledge from contacting him. Think of the time you did this or that, got in trouble together, cried together, went through an illness or a death or a vacation. That's the things best friends are made of. It takes time.

I have to think or perhaps just ask, are you grieving what was or what you hoped would be? I think it's the later. I think you are sad over the chance of getting what you want has left, at least with this guy. He may or may not have been what you were hoping for. In time I'm betting you will see you were not missing him, but what you hoped he and the R would be.

Not talking all about you now, but, I think this is how many people make mistakes. It's how the "he totally changed and became a different person" comes about. We've all heard and read those stories on how a guy just totally changed. Sure sometimes he does. More times he's always been the way he is, we just failed to see it through our rose colored glasses. Another poster here is seeing that after someone she thought was really great was found to be a serial cheater. The signs were just missed. That's why it takes time to really see who a true person is. They have to earn our love. No doubt we'll have better feelings about the future with some. I soooooo get that as you and I both connect with a small amount of people but when we do, it's a huge connection. I've had that where from the first day, it feels like we've known each other forever.

Okay now I'm just rambling. Keep posting! Keep allowing your friends to help. DO NOT contact FF!!!!!! Take all the time you need to work through this. And then take some time to learn from it and take steps to figure out how to change it in the future. You are still a totally awesome person G! In time you really will find your true match. FF just was not it.