I know from experience, each time I have asked H about his EA, it has backfired and caused a separation between us. While he is still healing from the guilt and hurting me (yes, he has to heal from that as well.) is not the right time to bring it up. It makes my H feel as if he is under constant surveillance and can't win. He has told me it is over, and he feels that when I accept him at his word, I am showing him the faith and trust that he longs for.
That's not to say there won't be plenty of questions for when we ARE healed from it.
Also, when I DO bite my tongue, we always wind up having a nice time. Well, those nice times and good memories are bringing us closer together. So, what's wrong with that. Sometimes when I bite my tongue, I think later, "tonight went so well, we are so close. What would have happened instead if I had brought up her ?" Well, you know as well as I do what would have happened. Fight, bad feelings, withdrawal, etc. Why risk it?
If it doesn't bring you closer to your goal, don't do it.
